Human nature includes the urge to give others advice, often unsolicited, about how to conduct their lives, whether we heed our own advice or not. Much of it passes with the breeze, but some registers and sticks with us. Here are some jewels that have stuck with me and guided me in more than a few tricky situations.
From my mother. No matter how smart and/or educated you may believe yourself to be, every person you will ever meet knows something you do not, so pay attention.
From an older cousin on raising children. If you want to raise children who embrace the world with curiosity instead of fear, always say “yes” unless you must say “no.”
From a crusty old journalist. If you have something positive to say to someone, write it to them so they can enjoy your words and share them with others. If your message is negative, say it and get it behind you.
And, from a gentle and wise mother. When I was trying to keep our sons away from He-Man toys, which I believed--and still do--present a false and ridiculous view of manhood. You cannot protect your children from their culture.
I wish the current crop of book banners in the North Carolina General Assembly and in Congress could hear that truth.
As part of a national effort supported by the Trump administration to shield information from students, a bill wending its way through the state legislature would establish a committee composed of both parents and educators to recommend which books and movies should be approved or banned in public and charter schools. Those recommendations would be available for public comment and ultimately approved by the local school board. It proposes civil penalties for schools that do not comply and will be sued.
Such moves are being made all over the country, all labeled as “parental rights” by book banners and “censorship” by opponents. They are efforts to appease a voting base by people who have outside influence in the current political climate.
However one views these book banning efforts, the truth is that we cannot keep our current culture, however toxic it may seem to some Americans, from our children short of keeping all outside influences—books, social media, contact with their peers and other people—out of reach. Today’s parents already know how impossible that has become in the electronic era. The other painful truth is that while some information may be disturbing or painful for students, ignorance of facts can harm them, often profoundly and for a lifetime.
Take sex, a topic both parents and children find difficult to address and one which can derail lives through STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and other difficulties. Ignorance of the facts of life is not bliss for vulnerable young people. Ditto for drugs and other illegal substances. “Just say no” has never been an effective strategy. Young people see others, both their peers and adults, using alcohol and other substances and realize that they can generate pleasurable experiences as well as harm.
Do as I say, not as I do, is not an effective message. Factual information can be.
This is not an academic or political argument. It goes to whether and how we protect our children. Do we do that by withholding information from them or by providing them with accurate information? Better yet, think about your own youth.
Did just say no work or little information work for you? Did ignorance take you down a painful path?
Do you want that for your children?