Just when you thought Alligator Alcatraz was the epitome of Floridaness, along comes their very special cowboy/cowgirl boot-wearing governor, Ron DeSantis, who declares that all vaccine mandates are off.
Don’t feel like getting your kid vaccinated because some guy on a radio told you it was slavery? Have you done your own research on the interwebs and now know more than the medical profession? Move to Florida, where freedom is now spelled FREEDUMB.
Viruses need love, too. No longer will you have to attack such child-friendly viruses as measles, whooping cough, or COVID. Let the viruses run free. Survival of the fittest is the rule of the day in the Sunshine State. The Florida Surgeon General, the esteemed Dr. Joseph Ladapo announced the ban of mandatory viruses, pronouncing: “Who am I to tell you what your child should put in their body?
Every last one (vaccine mandate) is wrong and drips with disdain and slavery.”
Want your child to be a charter member of the Florida Lesions of Honor? Want to play connect the measles pustules on his feverish little body wracked with pain to see if Robert Kennedy Jr is sending you a secret communication on your child’s pockmarked tummy?
Keep him unvaxxed. Your little darling should be liberated to enjoy measles without the interference of the Nanny State. Although the measles pustules on their body may drip with pus, result in cosmic levels of itching, hearing loss, pneumonia, encephalitis (brain swelling- but who needs a brain in Florida?), blindness, and possible death, at least they will know they were free to contract the disease without the slavery of modern science and the Nanny State telling them to get the vax. They will be proud to be Floridian, where at least they know they are free, or crippled, or dead.
Like the UNC fight song, the little darlings will be Florida born, Florida bred, and when they die, they will be Florida dead. They will be free to infect their classmates who have compromised immune systems.
They will be free to spread measles to pregnant women, including their teachers, which increases a woman’s chance of miscarriage, premature birth, and low birth weight infants. There will be no more vax mandates dripping with disdain and slavery.
Don’t be a nervous Nellie, even if the lack of vax leads to increased misery, pain, and avoidable death, there is a brighter side. An unknown commentator on the Interwebs pointed out: “When I was a kid, I attended a funeral for a baby. There was a tiny casket and everything. But afterwards, there were sandwiches and cookies and stuff. So, I guess it won’t be all bad, Florida.”
That will own the Libs. Medical science is for sissies. Political science trumps medical science every time. Stupid doctors don’t know nuthin’. Vaxxes are a badge of slavery. A pox on their vax.
Making measles great again is just the nose of the camel sticking through the oxygen tent. Once measles is established, what other vax banished diseases will be heading our way?
Right now, Mr. Smallpox and Miss Polio are polishing up their tandem bike to ride down I-95 to the Promised Land of Antivax Happiness in Florida. The best part is, unlike Vegas, what happens in Florida doesn’t stay in Florida. Lots of tourists go to Florida (not Canadians anymore, but that is another story), they will be able to get infected with measles and bring disease cooties back on the plane to their hometowns to spread the wealth of freedom contagion to all their friends and neighbors.
Being personally calendar-enhanced, I am old enough to remember the delightfully scary times of polio back in the 1950s. To keep polio from spreading, the Nanny State closed schools, swimming pools, movie theaters, and other venues where people gathered in large numbers. I can recall the yellow quarantine signs on the doors of houses where polio had entered.
Kids went from playing sandlot baseball to living in Iron Lungs to keep them alive. Lucky polio victims wore clunky metal braces on their legs to hobble around. The unlucky ones went to the cemetery.
Making measles great again will open the door to the Good Old Days before vaccines eradicated significantly bad cooties. Epidemiologists are just trying to enslave you.
As Dirty Harry once asked: “Are you feeling lucky?” Maybe your kid will be lucky and the bad viruses won’t visit your home. Politics, podcasts, and luck beat medical science. We don’t need no stinkin’ vax. Live free or die.
We have Robert Kennedy Jr. and his pet laboratory state of Florida to own the Libs.