Celestial Events Desk: It is beyond debate that the greatest movie made in 1959 was the Three Stooges interstellar l epic Have Rocket Will Travel. The Stooges were working as janitors at a space port and accidentally launched themselves into space. Mankind has always reached for the stars. The Stooges were no exception. I bring this up because in early April, NASA launched the Artemis II crew to circle the Moon with a crew of four intrepid astronauts. This is one more astronaut than even the Three Stooges. The Artemis II mission is to ride an Orion rocket around the moon and back.
When you weren’t marveling how Dook managed to blow a 19-point lead to lose to Connecticut on a buzzer-beater half-court shot, did you ever wonder where the colorful names for Space Missions came from? If so, today is your lucky day. Return to the wild and wacky world of Greek Mythology to learn who Artemis was. For extra credit, discover how Orion fits into the naming of this space mission.
Artemis, as Frank Sinatra described Luck, was a lady. Her mom, Leto, and her Baby Daddy, Zeus, were free spirits, unhindered by the holy bonds of matrimony.
Zeus, at the time of Artemis’ conception, was married to Hera. As might be expected, Hera was not amused by this situation. Leto produced not only Artemis but her twin brother Apollo, who went on to own a very famous nightclub in Harlem.
To escape Hera, Leto took her two children into the hinterlands of Asia Minor, where she stopped in Lycia to drink some water and bathe her kids. The local villagers were inhospitable. They stirred up the pond’s mud, making the water undrinkable and yucky for bathing.
Leto was so torqued off at the villagers that she turned them into frogs. She later had trouble with a giant named Tityos, who took a hankering for Leto. He made some unwelcome moves on her. The twins peppered Tityos with arrows, which cooled his ardor considerably. Leto did some magic, stretching Tityos’ body over nine acres, leaving him like a thin mint for vultures who ate his liver and heart every day.
Artemis was a Goddess with responsibilities and a short temper– She was a protector of young children (She apparently was out to lunch during the Epstein extravaganza). She was a huntress who frequently bathed naked in the woods. This led to an awkward situation where Actaeon, who was out innocently hunting in the forest accidently saw Artemis in her birthday suit. Artemis was not amused and turned Actaeon into a deer. Her transformation of Actaeon into Bambi’s father was so convincing that his own hunting dogs did not recognize him. His dogs turned on him, chewing Actaeon into bite-sized pieces of venison. Myths, being old, tend to have many versions of the same story.
In another telling, King Agamemnon shot and killed one of Artemis’ sacred deer. Artemis demanded Agamemnon’s daughter, Iphigenia, be sacrificed to pay for the killing of her sacred deer. This story was later made into a disturbing movie called The Killing of a Sacred Deer, which is still available for your viewing pleasure on HBO Max. Watch at your own risk.
After several other misadventures in which lots of Greeks were killed by Artemis and her brother Apollo, Artemis hooked up with a hunting buddy named Orion. Orion was a loudmouth, constantly bragging about his hunting skills. He boasted that he was going to kill every animal on Earth. The Earth Goddess, Gaia, was not amused.
In one version, Gaia sent a gigantic scorpion to kill Orion. Artemis saved Orion by tossing him up into the skies where he became a constellation. Orion became famous for wearing a belt instead of suspenders. In another version, Orion tried to make unwanted whoopee with Artemis’s friend Opis. Artemis was having none of that. She killed him and tossed his dead body into the sky, where he also became a constellation. Yet another version has Artemis falling in love with Orion. Her brother Apollo tries and fails to talk her out of marrying Orion. He tricks Artemis into an archery contest in which he challenges her to shoot at a tiny speck way out in the ocean.
Unfortunately, the speck was Orion swimming. Artemis hits him with her arrow, causing Orion to expire. His body floats back to the beach. Artemis, consumed by grief, tosses him up into the skies where he becomes a constellation.
Now you know how the Artemis crew and the spaceship got their names. Bonus points for learning about the Three Stooges in Have Rocket Will Travel.

(Illustration by Pitt Dickey)