Are twelve brothers cheaper by the dozen? The Brothers Grimm addressed this issue in one of their tales. If you are sick of political ads but wondering about how many boys are too many, this is the column for you.
It’s time again for a cheery Grimms’ story of matching coffins, runaways, tree climbing, red flags, mysterious cottages, ironing, ravens, barrels of boiling oil, poisonous snakes and a silent woman. Hop on board; it's fairy tale time.
Once upon a time there was a King and Queen who had twelve children, all boys. The Queen became with child for the 13th time. The King told her that if she gave birth to a girl, he would order all 12 of his boys killed because he wanted to leave his Kingdom to a daughter. To prove he was serious, he showed the Queen 12 coffins he had prepared.
The Queen was understandably freaked out by this plan. She was weeping away when her youngest son Benjamin came into her room. Despairing, she told him the King’s evil plan. Ben, a bright lad, told her that he would have all his brothers run away into the forest.
They would climb a tall tree and watch the castle. If the Queen had a boy, she would raise a white flag, and they could return. If she had a girl, she would raise a red flag, and they were to never return. She had a girl. The boys escaped deeper into the forest.
They found a cozy cottage in a woodland grove where an old woman met them. She told them they could live there and be safe as long as the twelve lilies in the dooryard bloomed. They moved in and lived happily for 10 years. The older boys hunted.
Ben did the cooking, ironing, and cleaning. Back at the castle, their sister grew up to be beautiful and kind. One day she saw 12 shirts hanging on the clothesline. She asked her mother about the shirts.
Mom broke down and cried. She spilled the beans about her daughter’s 12 brothers and the King’s threat. The daughter ironed all 12 shirts and took them out into the forest to find her brothers. She walked all day until she found the cottage.
Ben was at the cottage on her arrival. He quickly realized she was his sister. His brothers had sworn that they would kill any girl they met because their sister was the reason they had to leave home.
When his brothers returned home that night, he told them he had big news but they would have to promise not to kill the next girl they saw. They promised accordingly. He then introduced their sister to them. They were taken with her beauty and kindness. All was sweetness and light. She moved in with them. She and Ben shared all the housework, cooking, and ironing their shirts for years.
One day their sister cut the lilies outside of the house to decorate the cottage. Oops.
As soon as she did, all 12 brothers turned into ravens and flew away. The cottage disappeared. She was suddenly alone in the glade with the old woman.
The woman told her the only way the brothers could be changed back from ravens to boys was if she would remain silent for 7 years without speaking or laughing.
If she spoke a word, her brothers would all be killed instantly.
Their sister resolved not to speak to get them back. She climbed into a tall tree and started sewing to focus on silence.
Another King who was hunting in the forest saw her in the tree. Smitten by her beauty, he asked her to marry him. She refused to talk but shook her head yes to his proposal. Unfortunately, the King had a wicked Stepmother who hated his bride.
She poisoned the King’s mind against her, telling him, “Who can tell the wicked things she is thinking of? Any decent person would laugh occasionally. Anyone who doesn’t laugh has something on their conscience.” The Stepmother kept on with her lies until eventually the King believed them.
He put his wife on trial before a Court made up of the Stepmother’s cronies. They sentenced the Queen to death by burning at the stake.
The Queen was tied to the stake and the flames grew. The King watched from a tower with tears streaming down his face as he still loved her.
The 7 years ended just as the flames almost reached her. The ravens flew down around her and turned back into her brothers. They freed her from the stake and certain death.
She could now speak freely and told the King why she had been silent. It was Party Time!
They all lived happily ever after except for the wicked Stepmother. The King ordered her put to death by putting her into a barrel filled with poisonous snakes and boiling oil.
What have we learned today? As usual, not much. Genetic engineering could have avoided all this trouble if the girl had been a boy.
This clearly is a fairy tale, as no woman could go 7 years without talking.
No fitted sheets were ironed during the writing of this column.

(Illustration by Pitt Dickey)