pittThere is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as a giant toupee and as timeless as yesterday’s tweet. It is the middle ground between outright lies and mere fabrication, between pseudo-science and superstition. It lies between the pit of Democrats’ fears and the summit of the Tea Party’s wildest hopes. You unlock this door with a computer key provided by Vladimir Putin. You are moving into a land of both shadow and innuendo. This is the dimension of attention-deficit-disorder-based-presidential actions. You have just crossed over into the Trump Zone on Jan. 20.


America’s pundits and media can’t understand what has happened or is about to happen. The Talking Heads continually rail about Trump’s inconsistent statements. Build the wall. Mexico will pay for it. No, we will pay for the wall. Mexico will reimburse us. The check will be in the mail. Lock her up. No, leave her alone, I don’t want to hurt her. Repeal Obamacare. Keep pieces of Obamacare. Take a phone call from Taiwan’s president. Tweet insults at China. Tweet insults at Saturday Night Live and Meryl Streep. It’s all the same. Insult nuclear-armed nations and Hollywood celebs. Tweet ‘em all and let my poll numbers sort them out. Let the Democrats suffer from Post Trump Stress Disorder. That’s their problem, not The Donald’s or his loyal supporters. We’re in charge now and you had better get used to it.


On the face of it, grumpy sore loser non-Trumpsters claim there is no coherent pattern to what President Trump thinks. Not so. President Trump is America’s first zen president. He lives solely in the moment. Be here now. There is no past. There is no future. There is only the now. As George Costanza said, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” His tweets are Zen Koans designed to enlighten us. According to no less an authority than Wikipedia, a Koan is “a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment.” Trump’s seemingly unrelated random thoughts are in fact Trump’s recognition that only the zen of Now matters.


Yesterday Trump said X. Today Trump says Not-X. This is not a contradiction. It is a Trump Koan and your key to enlightenment. Logical reasoning is inadequate to perceive reality. If you try to use logic to understand Trump’s tweets you will be lost in the fog of incoherence. The tweets are not supposed to make sense. They are designed to open your mind to Trump Zen. Get over it, you silly logic-based non-Trumpsters. Now is the post truth and post-logic era. What is the sound of one tweet clapping?


As a rule, a president-elect after a close election will try to bring the country together by telling us he will be president of all the people. Not The Donald. Unifying America after a hard-fought election is for sissies. Trump is not a sissy. He is a manly man. If it were not so, would not Putin have told him? Trump thinks much more hugely than just unifying America.


Trump’s ongoing bromance with Putin is Exhibit A. The 17 US intelligence agencies issued a report that Putin personally ordered a campaign to hack the Democrats to grab their dirty laundry to hurt Hillary’s campaign and boost the chances of The Donald. Putin denies any efforts to influence the American presidential election. The Donald sides with Putin against the American intelligence agencies. Some soreheads wonder why an American president would believe Putin instead of his own intelligence agencies. In the brave new world of the Trump Zone, such soreheads who question the thoughts of The Donald are henceforth to be known as either stupid or fools.


The Donald wants to unify America and Russia. His recent tweet “ Having a good relationship with Russia is a good thing, not a bad thing. Only ‘stupid’ people, or fools, would think that is bad.” Any dumb Americans who disagree with the thoughts of President Trump are either stupid or a fool. The Donald doesn’t need no stinking unity in America. There can be no space for disagreement with the president. The Breitbart reported mysterious FEMA re-educations camps that President Obama never got around to opening could find new life under President Trump to upgrade the knowledge base of the stupid fools who disagree with him. If you are a Democrat, find some Republican friends who will speak up for you when the black helicopters come to haul you away like Mr. Peabody’s coal train.


Kindly come visit me in Guantanamo.

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