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Explosive diarrhea is better than radioactive cheese

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Wednesday, 05 August 2026

Written by Pitt Dickey

What’s a little explosive diarrhea among friends? Lettuce prey. Nothing to worry about. Our highly qualified public servant, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, Secretary of Health and Human Services, is on the case. He has taken time off from his busy schedule of retrieving road kill, downplaying the resurgence of measles, and discouraging the use of vaccines to announce that the outbreak of explosive diarrhea is “under control.”
Now, don’t you feel better? We may not quite yet be in the Golden Age of America that tariffs and our new Middle East war with Iran will surely bring, but at least we are now in America’s Salad Days.
What does Mr. Science say about our exciting, brave new world of explosive diarrhea? It originates from a cute little parasite called Cyclospora. His name sounds suspiciously like the Cyclops in America’s summer movie, The Odyssey.
The boys around the biolabs actually call him the Cyclops parasite. (Author’s note – MAGA is getting rid of the lady persons from the biolabs because only Boy persons can be scientists. The lady persons should get back into the kitchen and rattle some pots and pans.)
Now back to Mr. Science. The Cyclops parasite gets into humans in several disgusting ways. Human sewage gets into irrigation water, or from workers pooping in the fields (because it costs money to provide them with porta-potties), or from contaminated water used to wash veggies. Once Cyclops finds you, he takes a couple of weeks to wake up to start your gastric engines.
What to expect when you become a host for Cyclops? Stick around near the bathroom.
Cyclops is not kidding about producing localized explosive diarrhea. You will get as dehydrated as Death Valley in August. Dehydration is double plus ungood. If your body runs out of water, it is like running a car without oil. Bad things can occur. Call RFK, Jr at home and ask for advice.
The FDA has determined that Cyclops is like Schrodinger’s Cat in a box, which was both alive and dead at the same time. Cyclops was initially determined to be sourced from Mexican farms operated by Taylor Farms until a representative from Taylor Farms met with White House officials.
After this meeting, the FDA backed up and announced that the Taylor Farm sample was a false positive for Cyclops.
So, Schrodinger Catlike, Taylor Farm was the source until it wasn’t the source of Cyclops.
If you are confused by this, ponder the fun times with facts back in the 1920s & 1930s when radiation was discovered and marketed for its health bringing properties.
Remember Radioactive Cheese?
What?
You don’t?
Keep reading.
Radium popped into America’s consciousness in the 1920s in a big way in the form of adding radium to food and drink.
You could spoon your way to health and happiness like Lucy Ricardo’s 23% alcohol Vitameatavegamins by eating radium-infused butter and cheese. Drinking radium-spiked water was a thing.
Gulp down enough Radithor energy drink, which was water infused with radium, and all your troubles would be washed away. You could radiate good health. You would never poop out at parties.
EC-zine was an ointment with radium sold as a cure for “eczema, pimples, ringworm, and blood poison.” You could make radium drinks at home by keeping tap water in a Revigorator, which was a crock made of radioactive material.
This would infuse your iced tea with real live radiation. Radium Limited’s ad read: “Radium Therapy for the preparation of radioactive water in the hospital or in the patient’s own home.
The apparatus gives a high and measured dosage of radioactive drinking water for the treatment of gout, rheumatism, arthritis, neuralgia, sciatica, catarrh of the antrum and frontal sinus, arteriosclerosis, diabetes, glycosuria and nephritis.”
The activator inside the earthenware “contains an insoluble preparation impregnated with radium. It continuously emits radium emanation at a fixed rate, and keeps the water in the jar always charged to a fixed and measurable strength from 5000 to 10,000 Mache units per liter per diem.” Yum. Better than Johnstown Kool Aid.
A competitor, the Mandis Sales Company, sold a lifetime radium water jar stating “it aids nature by increasing the number of and building up the red corpuscles of the blood. Eliminates poisons from the system and causes the best of digestion of your food. Nature then cures you.”
It cures “anemia, arthritis, female trouble, gastric ulcers, gout, goiter, chronic peritonitis, high blood pressure, hay fever, lumbago, prostate disorders, or any other common ailment.” Sounds great.
Unfortunately, it turned out radium killed more than it cured. It was taken off the market. But now, explosive diarrhea doesn’t sound so bad in comparison, does it?
Take it from RFK, Jr. – nothing to see here. Move along, people. Cyclops is under control. What dressing would you like on your salad?

(You are what you eat. Illustration by Pitt Dickey)

Asking "how long":When life doesn't make sense

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Tuesday, 28 July 2026

Written by Dan DeBruler

Most of us prefer clear answers. We try to understand what’s going on, pray to ask why God is allowing it, and wonder when things will finally improve. But life rarely unfolds that neatly.
There are seasons when the questions come faster than the answers. We look around and see violence, injustice, division, uncertainty and suffering. People struggle financially, families fracture and we feel helpless as communities lose trust and truth becomes increasingly difficult to recognize. On a more personal level, we face grief, disappointment, unanswered prayer, and the quiet fear that life may never return to what it once was.
There’s a short Old Testament book that speaks directly into that kind of world.
Habakkuk was a prophet, but his book does not begin with a sermon. It begins with an honest conversation with God. He looks at the brokenness around him and asks the question we still ask: “How long?”
How long will evil continue? How long will injustice go unanswered? How long will prayers seem unheard? How long must we wait?
God does answer him, but it’s not what he expects. In fact, it creates even more questions. Habakkuk learns that God is at work, but His plan is larger, more complicated, and more unsettling than the prophet imagined.
This is where faith’s real journey begins.
Faith does not mean pretending everything is fine. It does not ignore pain, deny disappointment, or force simple answers onto complex situations. Real faith is honest enough to ask hard questions and humble enough to trust God with the answers.
As Habakkuk wrestles with what God reveals, his focus slowly changes. His circumstances do not immediately improve, but his understanding of God deepens. He remembers that God is holy, sovereign, powerful, and faithful, and he learns that faith’s security cannot depend entirely on what he can see.
By the end of the book, Habakkuk imagines a future in which the crops have failed, the fields produce no food, and the livestock are gone. In his world, that would mean economic disaster, food insecurity, and the collapse of everything familiar. Yet he declares that he will still rejoice in the Lord.
This is not shallow optimism; it is hard-earned trust.
He’s not rejoicing because loss is good, but because God remains good. He does not deny the difficulty of his circumstances. He simply refuses to allow those circumstances to have the final word about God’s character.
That message is still relevant.
What happens to our faith when the job disappears, the diagnosis arrives, the relationship breaks, or the prayer remains unanswered? Is God faithful only when life seems manageable? Is He good only when we understand His plan?
We’re invited us to bring our questions to God, remember what is true, and trust Him even when the outcome is uncertain.
The lasting question isn’t whether life will always make sense. It’s whether we will still trust God when it does not.

Publisher's Pen: Democrats, save your party!

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Wednesday, 05 August 2026

Written by Bill Bowman

I believe in America. I believe in American values and traditions. And I believe in the Constitution and the two-party political system—all of which are just a few of the rudiments of American achievement that have allowed us to reach and celebrate our 250th anniversary.
America is the greatest nation on Earth. So why would we allow discontented immigrants and failed far-left-wing fanatics to attempt to destroy our nation?
The American Democratic Party needs to step up and sound off about the inherent privileges, rights, and freedoms we all share as Americans, and send a resounding message to the emerging demagogues of the Democratic Socialists of America.
Many of my closest friends and associates are members of the Democratic Party. They are not fanatical left-wing extremists. They love America and have no desire to destroy it. In fact, they are intelligent, hardworking, caring, and loving people—each successful in their own way, raising families, and enjoying the American way of life while pursuing the American Dream.
I know for a fact that they understand our civilization cannot survive in an environment of a lawless utopia that steals from the rich, exalts criminals, and victimizes the poor.
Sure, the socialist soundbites sound intriguing and desirable to the uninformed: free universal healthcare, affordable housing options, free groceries, free transportation, free babysitting services, universal rent control, and publicly owned social housing.
Free always sounds good to the uninformed. However, eliminating the Senate, packing the Supreme Court, defunding the police/ICE, opening our borders, and welcoming and harboring hideous criminals while overtaxing the wealthy are certainly not the answers. Socialism—a.k.a. communism—is not the answer. Honorable members of the Democratic Party, great Americans, know this and must make their voices heard. They know that the platform the DSA is promoting will not work and has never worked anywhere in the world.
True Democrats need to step up and ask the DSA demagogues just one simple question—and demand an answer:
Q: Based on the stated DSA platform, name just one community, state, or country where socialism has been successful.
A: There are none.
Socialism 101: A topic conveniently eliminated from young people's education.
Only the national Democratic Party can save itself from extinction and from being transformed into the DSA, which advocates for expanding immigrant voting rights, abolishing the U.S. Senate, and restructuring federal governance to increase direct democratic control (this is communism).
In closing, let me reiterate that I love this country. I love everything about it. As one of four children raised by a single working mother supported by Catholic Charities, she instilled in us the power and grace of God, along with the benefits and rewards of being honest and working hard. I have experienced the American Dream firsthand: the compassion of humanity, a well-rounded education, the privilege of serving in the U.S. Army, creating several successful businesses, and marrying and raising a wonderful family. I owe it all to God and a country that allowed me to be all that I wanted to be. This is the AMERICAN DREAM.
Please don't misinterpret my intention. Democratic Party members do not need to become Republicans or conservatives; they just need to be good Democrats! Don't lose your Party.
Thank you for reading Up & Coming Weekly.

Troy's Perspective: Let's not lose hope

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Tuesday, 28 July 2026

Written by Troy Williams

In today's political climate, separating local politics from events in Washington, D.C., and Raleigh is nearly impossible. We find ourselves drawn into the larger political agenda even when we make genuine efforts to avoid it.
When a sitting U.S. President addresses the nation, it is customary for all television networks to broadcast the speech. Recognizing that media choices influence public perception and understanding can empower citizens to seek unfiltered information, making them feel responsible for their role in democracy.
It would be an understatement to say that some news networks have a strong dislike for the President. However, when two major television networks chose not to broadcast President Trump’s speech, they made a decision not just for their networks, but also for millions of citizens. Citizens deserve unfiltered access to information and denying the public the opportunity to decide whether to listen to the President undermines this fundamental right, which is essential for a healthy democracy.
In a free society, it is not the role of news gatekeepers to determine what information the public should have access to. Journalists have a responsibility to fact-check the individuals they report on, but trying to silence public officials runs counter to the principles of democracy and the public's right to unfiltered political speech.
President Trump's speech focused on election integrity, a contentious issue among his opponents. His critics argue that American elections are secure and maintain that there is little evidence to suggest that the political process in the United States is compromised. However, in his speech, Trump asserts that there is evidence to the contrary and backs his claims with declassified documents that are accessible not only to the media but also to ordinary citizens. This can help citizens feel empowered to seek and evaluate information themselves.
Time will reveal the truth about this matter, and the American public deserves to hear this speech, regardless of whether he is liked or not. Ensuring access to all viewpoints helps citizens feel respected and fosters trust in the democratic process.
Democrats and Republicans have historically found themselves on opposing sides, but the state of political discourse in our country has recently deteriorated to a concerning level. Those who doubt this decline need only look at our local Board of Elections in Cumberland County for evidence of the chaos. Democratic board members, who are in the minority, continually bring charges against their Republican board chair. Still, these allegations are repeatedly dismissed by the State Board of Elections, which has a Republican majority.
Many Americans are increasingly disenchanted with both political parties, as evidenced by unaffiliated voters becoming the largest voting bloc in several states, including North Carolina. I wish there were easy answers to solve this quandary, but realistically, we all know the problem is not in politics; the problem is in the people.
No matter how you feel, let’s not lose hope. The political season is just around the corner, and I hope you’re ready for all that comes with it. Most importantly, I encourage you to fulfill your civic duty by voting for the candidate of your choice. That is your right.