{mosimage}I wanted to loveSmart People (95 minutes). 

Ellen Page is adorable, whether she is seeking revenge on child molesters or playing a sarcastic, pregnant teen (I will politely forget to mentionX-Men 3). Thomas Haden Church, star of what is possibly the single most underrated comedy of the past 10 years,The Specials, is always good for a laugh. Even so, there is something missing from this full-of-potential romantic comedy. 

While director Noam Murro seems competent enough, perhaps writer Mark Poirier failed to give the script the kind of acerbic wit it so desperately needs. All the actors seem afflicted with frostbite, and even though there are attempts to create something profound, the entire movie comes across as a fast food version of an independent film.

Professor Lawrence Wetherhold (Dennis Quaid) inhabits his job with the kind of depressed indifference you can only find in the middle-aged former idealist. One of his children, Vanessa (Page), desperately tries to fulfill the household duties of her late mother while seeking her mentally absent father’s approval and supporting the Republican Party. The other, James (Ashton Holmes), is building a life apart from his father. The professor’s adopted brother, Chuck (Church), enters the picture, disrupting the household and shaking up the suppressed, overachieving Vanessa. Meanwhile, over in the “B” plot, Wetherhold meets an emotionally stunted doctor named Janet (Sarah Jessica Parker).  

There are several awkward scenes between the professor and the doctor; unfortunately for the movie, Quaid and Parker don’t share much chemistry. Uncle Chuck, who seems like an OK guy, exercises some poor judgment in relation to Vanessa, and though their relationship develops realistically up to about halfway through the movie, the film lacks the courage of its convictions. If the writer wished to make something of the sexual tension that can develop between a post-adolescent in need of a daddy figure and a bad boy uncle who lacks boundaries, a more daring approach is really called for.  

The best scenes take place on the Carnegie Mellon campus in Pittsburgh, Pa. In fact, the campus scenes read as one long inside joke regarding the current state of academia. For instance, the professor’s failure to remember his students’ names or any details about their lives, coupled with his attitudes towards committees and office hours, will cause the college students in the audience to laugh (or groan) and everyone else to look blankly at the screen.

This film, which looks so good on paper, does not live up to its potential. Even so, some will find its cerebral tone and focus on the mundane worth a Saturday afternoon at the theater. Fans ofRiding in Cars with Boys (2001),Juno (2007) andThe Squid and the Whale (2005) should give this one a quick peek while maintaining low expectations.  

WithThe Mighty B, (Saturday, 10:30 a.m.), Nickelodeon has created another cartoon masterpiece on the level ofJimmy Neutron,SpongeBob SquarePants andThe Fairly Oddparents. Unlike those, it’s girl-oriented-man, is it ever. Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live is the co-creator and voice of 9-year-old Bessie, a badge-crazy member of the Honeybee scout troupe. Bessie is a ball of tweener energy and desire, with maniacal round eyes, a toothless grin and excitable pigtails. She speaks with a lisp so juicy that you can practically feel the spittle flecking your cheeks. She’s relentless, as is the series itself.

{mosimage}Bessie is bossy and confident, scarcely noticing that she’s an outcast among the more normal girls. When thwarted, however, she melts into a puddle of neediness. Her mercurial nature is mirrored in the animation, which morphs time and space with a Tex Avery-style glee. Bessie’s eyebrows pop off her head; her head rolls off her neck; her whole body shrinks and stretches to match her many moods.

The Mighty B is one of the rare cartoon series that appeals to all ages. Kids will relate to Bessie’s runaway id; adults will appreciate the echoes ofLooney Tunes,Ren and Stimpy andThe Simpsons, along with Poehler’s deft voice work. She renders Bessie ridiculous while also conveying an affection for the li’l oddball.

If the Honeybees gave a badge for artistic brilliance, Poehler would deserve a dozen of them.

Today

Friday, 8 a.m. (NBC)

We’ve all watched Paula Abdul talk the talk as a judge onAmerican Idol. Now she must walk the walk by singing herself on Today’s concert series.

I predict that her performance will be a little pitchy at first, but yo, check it out, she’ll start to do her thing, and when she goes up into her falsetto it’ll get crazy-exciting, y’all! DA BOMB, baby! Yii-ah!

Duel

Friday, 9 p.m. (ABC)

This game show doesn’t rely on gimmicks-no over-the-top set, obnoxious host or seamy concept. Two players simply square off for $500,000, answering multiple-choice questions and betting with chips. The well-written questions move beyond the usual pop-culture piffle to cover history, geography and science, so that by the end of an episode you’ve actually learned something.

IsDuel(a) a refreshing change of pace or (b) not tawdry enough for the American public? With trembling hand, I’m betting on (a).

Robin Hood

Saturday, 9 p.m. (BBC America)

The American entertainment industry spends billions of dollars to create thrilling popcorn entertainment and usually comes up short. But the BBC’sRobin Hood gets the job done with just a few cloaks, inexpensive castle sets and bow-and-arrow props.

Oh, and brilliant writing and acting-the two things American studios usually forget to add.

The second-season premiere is so exciting that I had to keep repeating “I’m not 11.” Otherwise I was liable to put on a pair of tights myself, jump out the window and join the fight to save England. Robin (Jonas Armstrong) and his band must battle not only the Sheriff of Nottingham, a smiling sadist; and Guy of Gisbourne, an unsmiling sadist; but the sheriff’s deliciously evil sister, who makes Cruella De Ville look like an old softie.

Robin isn’t conventionally handsome, with his scruffy beard and Beatle ‘65 haircut (Beatle 1165, that is). But he’s outrageously sexy when escaping from certain death over a snake pit, or shooting the ax out of an executioner’s hand. He stares down danger with style and wit.

And when he waxes inspirational, Robin can make the hair stand up on the back of your neck. “We are not just outlaws in a forest,” he tells his band in a tense moment. “We are the spirit of England, and that is this country’s only hope!”

I’m not 11... I’m not 11.....

{mosimage}In Fayetteville, most of us, while making a trip to the mall, the grocery store or even the gas pump, have seen some eager artist or artists trying to sell their CD. Many of us have even been approached with the proposal, “Yo, check out my CD, it’s hot, it’s only such and such dollars.”

Oftentimes, it’s not that you don’t want to support the artist, but it’s just that you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into when buying, because many times you don’t know anything about the artist.

No one wants to waste their money on a bad CD from MC I Have a Dream any more than they want to waste it on a new bad CD from Snoop Dogg. I have come to the conclusion that while listening to commercial music is always worthwhile and rewarding, at times, the independent scene is where it’s really at.

I will still cover mainstream music, but also make more of an effort to cover independent rap through reviews and interviews. Of course, a written article can only do so much, because your ears will be the final judge if the music is hot or not. However, this column will form the “bridge between” your ears and that unknown artist in the street.

With that being said, here is my first local hip-hop artist review featuring Kenansville’s own Felony Knowledge. His gift to the streets is titled,Real Life is Stranger then Fiction. First , Felony Knowledge (or FK for short) is a conscious rapper with somewhat of an edge. Vocally, his tone is deep and at times preachy, but not in a way that was boring like your high school chemistry teacher. Lyrically, his content resembles the subject matter of ╩Native Tongues artists De La Soul, Mos Def and Jungle Brothers. 

FK focuses on his love for the music, the negative aspects of the street and hip hop, and elevating your thinking. No talk of big rims, shiny chains or chasing skirts on this one. Speaking of Native Tongues influence, FK’s delivery sounds a bit like Talib Kweli. Both tend to spit a rush of hurried lyrics bar for bar, which at its best keeps you engaged and gives energy to the tracks without sounding monotone, but at its worst, is too hurried and sounds like jumbled up rhymes in a line. 

The first track isDeclaration Intro, where FK lets off some steam about ignorant rappers and everything that is bad in the game that he is not. The beat will have your head nodding, and the repetition of drums at the end of FK’s bars fit his voice like a glove. One of the songs that shows FK at his best is the thought provoking and searingStand Behind Me, where he drops lines like: “Bad boys never talk we still move in silence/success is the best revenge that’s resort come to violence/ you get rained on if you’re not under the umbrella/ I make moves like a king while most possess the four devils/ greed, hate, jealousy and envy╔ .”

The weaknesses of Felony’s album revolve around his flow being too energetic and packed with words and meaning. He seems to put as many words into each bar as possible and it doesn’t ride the beat as well as it could. “Doin’ His Job” is a stellar track with a hypnotic neck-snapping beat by Cardiair Geezus, and verse-for-verse FK does his thing, but the words to the hooks sound rushed together. If Felony’s words were food for thought, sometimes his wise words would come off as too-big spoonfuls. His words come off much better when he takes his time on tracks such asI Wanna Talk To You, which features a laid back melodic beat and some a capella breaks where Felony does his thing and gives you time to listen.

Overall, Real Life is a worthy buy, and if you catch Felony out in the streets pushing his disc or at a show performing, pick it up and give him a listen. What Felony represents is a voice of the hip hop generation that actually has something to say rather than obsessing over the usual cars, drugs and money you often hear on the radio. 

Check Felony out at www.myspace.com/FK72884.

{mosimage}Have we come to a time in this country when we are ready to deal upfront and honestly with our grievances and hopes concerning the burden of racial misunderstanding that is woven into the fabric of American society? 

Our recent public discussion of portions of Jeremiah Wright’s sermons reminded us that race can still pop up anywhere when we are thinking about politics and national leadership decisions. Then Barack Obama’s speech on race in America last week gave many of us hope that we can face these complexities and emotional minefields more openly and positively. But others, with despair or cynicism, assert the hopelessness of ever dealing with this confounding national burden. 

Coincidentally or providentially, I have been reading book about the struggle of another group of Americans to overcome discrimination and suspicion to find a secure and welcome place in this country. 

Durham native Eli Evan’s classic memoir and study of Southern Jews,The Provincials: A Personal History of Jews in the South, was recently reissued in an updated and expanded version by UNC Press. (Evans is returning home this weekend to appear at the Triangle Jewish Film Festival in Cary. 

Originally published in 1973 when the Civil Rights revolution was still painfully readjusting the legal framework of southern race relations, Evan’s book chronicled the special challenges that Jews faced throughout their history in our region. More specifically, his personal memoir deals with the North Carolina experience of his family. 

Evan’s parents were the children of immigrants from Eastern Europe who came to North Carolina as house-to-house to house peddlers, then storekeepers, then successful business owners and finally respected civic leaders. 

His father, Mutt Evans, eventually won election as mayor of Durham, crafted a role as a progressive and gained respect and affection from his community. His uncle, Monroe Evans, served as mayor of Fayetteville. Other members of the family took on important community leadership positions. 

Eli Evans also achieved political success in high school and at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where in 1957 he won election as president of student government. 

The political and civic contributions and successes of the Evans and of other Jewish families in North Carolina could be compared to the later political successes of African Americans. Similarly, those successes did not bring with them total acceptance or complete inclusion in southern society. 

Jews continued to be viewed as different, and barriers to acceptance as “one of us remained.” 

Evans’ poignant descriptions of his struggles to find a comfortable place in his Bible Belt homeland evoke tears and laughter. As a youngster, he joined his non-Jewish friends at the numerous revivals that were important social events in his growing up years in Durham. Enjoying the music and rhythms of the service, he was caught in a panic when the preacher called for uplifted hands to signify salvation. “Lift it high,” the preacher said. “Lift it high as you can. Lift it and say ‘I am saved.’ Higher. You can do it. Let Him in your heart. If you can’t lift it, something is wrong.” 

When someone lifted Eli’s hand, “Wild-eyed and afraid, I jerked my hand away and bolted out of the tent as fast as I could, heading for home.” 

Christmas and Easter seasons presented special problems for the young Eli, seeking acceptance but trying to remain true to his family’s religious heritage. What was he to do during the Christian devotionals in his public school classrooms? How was he to participate in the Christmas pageants? When a teacher assigned him the “best” part, Joseph, he respectfully and firmly declined, only to be given the part of the evil tax collector, “the heartless representative of King Herod.” 

Constantly having to explain to his non-Jewish contemporaries why he was a little different from Christians, he acknowledged his uncomfortable confusion. “Deep down, Jesus still worried me.” 

Like Obama’s recent speech, Evan’s book is an open and personal invitation to step into the shoes of others, to discuss and explore our real divisions, and then to find in those differences a basis for respect and celebration of the kind of unity that is the best of America’s potential č and promise.

I don’t know precisely when the infection started, but it’s been evident for years that North Carolina’s political class suffers from a disease one might call the Quicken Pox.

In a constitutional government such as ours, where power is separated into competing institutions, the intended result is not to make change easy or rapid but instead to make it challenging and deliberate. The founders of our state and nation believed that we were more likely to suffer from the ravages of herky-jerky legislation and bureaucratic busybodies than we were to benefit from bold, persistent experimentation.

Of late, though, impatient North Carolina political and governmental actors have gotten themselves into trouble by running up against the constraints of law, finding them irritating, and ignoring or circumventing them. For example, when Jim Black wanted to be the N.C. House Speaker again, but discovered that his party had lost the elections, he chose to bribe an impressionable lawmaker to switch parties so he could retain power. When Black and other legislative leaders wanted to enact a state-run lottery but discovered that it wouldn’t pass either chamber if they followed the rules č such as the one requiring separate votes on separate days for bills raising revenue for the state č they chose to break those rules.

Another outbreak of the Quicken Pox has regulators and judges enacting new laws, though they aren’t empowered to by the state constitution, because they truly believe the law to be so necessary or beneficial that it can’t wait for legislative approval. The pattern is commonplace now in environmental regulation, where unelected regulators oversee large swaths of the private economy as if they were commissars just arrived from the Kremlin. In our criminal-justice system, new “rights” have been created, old rights destroyed, and a state medical board recently tried to halt executions in the state, contrary to the majority sentiment of North Carolinians and their duly elected representatives.

Which brings me, of course, to the topic of interior design.

As one can readily judge by a quick visit to my tacky office or my child-infested home, a talent for interior design is not part of my birthright. This is the first and likely last time I’ll have anything to say on the subject. As it is, the matter at hand is not whether a certain mauve curtain clashes with a certain aquamarine chaise lounge, but instead whether the advice an interior designer might offer should be subject to the state’s sales tax.

Over the years, several different panels of prominent North Carolinians have convened to study the issue of tax reform. A common recommendation has been for the state to expand the scope of its sales tax to include services sold at retail. The reform could be revenue-neutral, at least in the short run, by cutting the tax rate to offset the projected revenue gain from expanding the tax base to include medical, legal, financial and personal services. So the proposal need not necessarily raise the hackles of fiscal conservatives.

Whatever you think of the merits of expanding the sales tax to cover services, it must be admitted that the idea is a political nonstarter in Raleigh. The professions whose bills would include the new tax are among the most powerful lobbies in the state. Faced with the prospect of advocating a tax change that would both aggravate key elites and alarm the masses, the governor and general assembly have shied away from it.

Officials at the N.C. Department of Revenue have taken it upon themselves to expand the sales tax via bureaucratic dictate. As theTriangle Business Journal recently reported, they have audited some 20 interior-design firms across the state and sent overdue notices for between $8,000 and $200,000 in uncollected taxes that, they allege, should have been charged for consultation. Interior designers already, properly, charge their customers sales tax for any furnishings they might supply as part of their service. But the revenue department claims that designers should have been charging a service tax, as well.

The state’s claim is not decorous, to say the least. But I suppose that the officials in question truly believe it should be the law, if only that pesky legislative process weren’t in the way. Pity them. They, too, suffer from the Quicken Pox.

{mosimage}Dear EarthTalk: Is it true that the carcasses of whales that wash up on shore are considered dangerous to humans because of the amount of toxins and chemicals in their blubber?

-- Michael O’Loughlin, Tigard, Ore.

Whether wildlife officials in a given region consider a dead, beached whale a biohazard or not is a local decision; however, experts agree that only trained professionals should go anywhere near a dead wild animal to prevent the spread of bacterial infection, no matter whether any industrial pollutants might be oozing out. Regardless, it is true that some types of whales, given their spot at the top of the marine food chain, do harbor chemical pollution in their fatty tissue and organs.

Researchers have found, for instance, that PCBs, dangerous toxins notorious for polluting New York’s Hudson River and long banned in the U.S., are present in the blubber of beluga and orca whales, among others, in amounts - some 80 parts per million - that could kill a person. DDT, a pesticide banned in 1972 in the U.S. for wreaking havoc on bird and other wildlife populations, also still shows up in measurable amounts in whale blubber around the world.

Beyond such well-known pollutants, newer ones are starting to show up in large amounts in the carcasses of beached whales and other top marine predators. Today, biologists are most worried about the marked increase in flame retardants (PBDEs) and stain repellents (PFOs) in dead marine mammals. Flame retardants are particularly troublesome because they “seem to travel over long distances in the atmosphere, and some studies have shown that they can be toxic to the immune system and can affect neurobehavioral development,” according to a recent report by the Arctic Council, a multilateral international body in charge of overseeing Arctic law and development. The report also notes that PFOs do “not seem to break down under any circumstances,” meaning they are passed up the food chain to whales and other top predators, and then in some cases consumed by humans, especially indigenous Arctic people still hunting marine animals as part of their subsistent lifestyles.

According to the Humane Society of the U.S. (HSUS), whales aren’t the only wild animals carrying around large amounts of toxic chemicals. Bottle-nosed dolphins, manatees, polar bears, seals, sea lions and other marine wildlife also have PCBs, DDT, PBDEs, PFOs and the other pollutants in their tissue and blood streams. 

“The large-scale die-off of bottle-nosed dolphins along the mid-Atlantic coast of the United States in the mid-1980s may have been the direct or indirect result of increasing levels of toxic waste from industrial sources,” HSUS reports, adding that “such pollutants can depress the immune system of marine mammals, making the animals susceptible to diseases they could normally fight off.” 

Another example: Polar bears in Norway have been exhibiting serious congenital abnormalities; HSUS blames exposure to toxic pollutants in the bears’ otherwise pristine environment. 

Environmental and health experts worry about such contamination because many of the chemicals in question are known “endocrine disruptors,” meaning they can impair reproduction in both wildlife and humans by mimicking or altering natural hormonal activity. Such chemicals can also cause neurological problems and developmental or skeletal abnormalities.

GOT AN ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTION? Send it to: EarthTalk, c/o E/The Environmental Magazine, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; submit it at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/thisweek/, or e-mail: earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php.

In a recent column, you validated a woman’s desire to lose weight solely to meet her husband’s needs. Your encouraging her to take off pounds and get plastic surgery for him is an insult to yourself and every woman who reads your disgraceful article. I disagree with your notion that males care more about looks. I’m a heterosexual woman, and my dates’ looks are extremely important to me. For a few extra pounds to prevent a man from seeing why he fell in love with his wife is barbaric. If you’re really in love, you transcend the external. If this woman can find it within herself to love the stuff she’s made of, she’ll attract attention she never thought imaginable - the sort only unconditional self-acceptance brings.

--Appalled

If a woman’s sex appeal sprang from inner beauty, Eleanor Roosevelt, who looked like a scone in a housedress, would’ve been Playboy’s hottest selling cover girl of all time. 

The woman who wrote me wanted to lose weight after stress-eating herself 50 pounds heavier in seven months. Her husband hadn’t lost track of her inner beauty, he was just having a hard time finding her waist. He didn’t stop loving her, he just stopped wanting to have sex with her. Although she wasn’t losing weight “solely to meet her husband’s needs,” when is it not in a woman’s interest to keep her husband interested? Regarding her desire for plastic surgery, if a woman’s got post-weight-loss flapping flesh she’d like removed, who am I to tell her, no, do your best to walk proud with Dumbo’s ears hanging over your skirt like pockets out of jeans?

It isn’t just my “notion” that women are less looks-driven, but my notion based on reams of data showing that women seem to be hard-wired to care more about a guy’s status and earning potential. Sure, you can make a guy’s hotitude your priority because, at 19, it doesn’t matter so much if he’s earning his living carving carrots into swans on the street corner. Ten years from now, if you’re looking to start a family, I’m guessing you’ll be up for a little less hair in exchange for a little more 401(k). Think about it: If Bill Gates became single, women would line up like it was free tickets to The Stones. Whaddya wanna bet, when he was your age, women kicked him out of the way to get to the rocker boy who turned in cans to pay for food?

According to you, if a man’s “really in love,” he can “transcend the external.” Lovely idea, no basis in reality. Male sexuality is much more visual than female sexuality. But, don’t just take it from me, take it from a man who used to be a woman. Griffin Hansbury, a former lesbian who underwent sex reassignment surgery, talked on “This American Life” about how he saw women before and after “T” č testosterone injections. “Before...I would see a woman on the subway, and...I’d like to meet her, what’s that book she’s reading?” Afterward, even nice ankles on a woman would be “enough to flood my mind with aggressive pornographic images.... It was like...a pornographic nudie house in my mind. And I couldn’t turn it off.”

If anyone’s reducing this woman to the sum of her fleshy parts, it’s you. “The stuff she’s made of” isn’t 50 extra pounds. She could continue collecting chins and insist a worthwhile man would lust after her character alone, but that’s really just a different kind of unhealthy than starving yourself until you look like a praying mantis in shoes.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA╩ 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

(c)2008, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Theatre is going down the toilet

Irish director-playwright Paul Walker’s production of “Ladies & Gents” opened for a March run in New York City 29 blocks north of Broadway in a public restroom. According to an Associated Press report, the entire play takes place among the porcelain in a bathroom in Central Park, portraying “the seedy underside of 1950s Dublin,” with the audience of 25 standing beside rows of stalls, near “spiders, foul odors and puddles of questionable origin.” Walker proudly admits that he wanted to take the audience “out of their comfort zone” to create “a different energy.” Actor John O’Callaghan recalled that rehearsals were especially difficult: “One man actually came in and had a pee right in front of us. 

Cultural Diversity 

In October, the government of Singapore, anxious about the city’s declining birth rate, began teaching its high school polytechnic students in formal courses on how to flirt. Said Isabel, 18: “My teacher said if a guy looks into my eyes for more than five seconds, it could mean that he is attracted to me, and I stand a chance,” according to a March Reuters dispatch. The course includes “love song analysis” and how to chat online. 

Officials in the Shivpuri district of India’s Madhya Pradesh state, needing a promising program to slow the country’s still-booming birth rate, announced in March that men who volunteer for vasectomies will be rewarded with certificates that speed them through the ordinarily slow line to obtain gun permits. Said an administrator, the loss, through vasectomy, of a “perceived notion of manliness” would be offset “with a bigger symbol of manliness.”  

The Continuing Crisis 

Registered sex offender Jason Lee, 28, was arrested in Cincinnati in February and charged with several counts of deception for his seemingly benevolent acts of posting bond for two female strangers who had been arrested. Later, according to police, he had demanded sex and drugs from the women as payback, and a prosecutor said Lee had trolled for names of arrested women on the Web site of the Clerk of the Court. 

Questionable Judgments: Jason Fife was sentenced to probation and community service after harassing his estranged wife’s boyfriend with a special package delivery. Fife, said his lawyer, now “understands that in a civilized society, a person cannot send (someone) a severed cow’s head....”  

In December, Sister Kathy Avery of St. Clare of Montefalco Catholic School in Grosse Pointe Park, Mich., held all fifth- through eighth-graders after class in the school’s chapel so she could inform them of the new rules against cussing. According to the kids, Avery held nothing back: She recited a list of the actual, blush-producing words and phrases she was talking about. Said Avery afterward, “It got a little quiet in church.” 

Least Competent Criminals 

Krystal Evans, 26, and Denise McClure, 24, rifled through packages on a DHL delivery truck in December in Crescent City, Calif., looking for their urine samples headed for the lab because they were certain theirs would test positive, which would have meant their return to jail. The driver summoned police, and the women were arrested for destroying evidence and violating their probation and in March were convicted and could face two years in prison. Evans’ original sample turned out to be clean, after all, but during the December arrest, she tested positive for methamphetamine. 

COPYRIGHT 2008 CHUCK SHEPHERD   

(Rated PG-13)

Rated: Not even on the charts

{mosimage}Sometimes the tag line on a movie is cute. Sometimes it’s catchy. And sometimes, it’s prophetic. Such is the case ofDrillbit Taylor, the latest release of Owen Wilson. To put it in layman’s terms, this movie was more than disapponting, in fact, I would call it simply bad. Forget about what the tabloids said about Wilson’s recent depression. It had nothing to do with his love life. Truth to be told, it was probably this movie.

Wilson has great comedic timing. You expect him to play off-beat characters. You expect the delivery of his lines to be sarcastic. And he delivered on those expectations. It was the script that left him in the lurch. 

The brain child of John Hughes, the man who gave us all of those great ‘80s movies čThe Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, the National LampoonVacationmovies čDrillbit Taylor is a story Hollywood likes to retell in various formats. 

It’s the story of two boys getting ready to start high school č no shocker here, they are stereotypically geeky. And as is true of most geeks, they have good hearts. On the first day of school, rather than celebrating in the fact that another kid even geeker than them has drawn the attention of school bully Filkins (played by Alex Frost),  Wade, played by Nat Hartley, steps in to stop the bully from putting the kid in a locker. As expected, his intervention draws the ire of Filkins, and he, and his best friend, Ryan (Troy Gentile) become the target of the bully’s ire. The three, the geeky kid, the fat kid and the “awesome” kid have big targets on their foreheads.

Things go from bad to worse when they take the matter of bullying up with the school principal who embodies every stereotype of the dumb principal. After being chased down by Filkins in his car, they decide to seek the services of a bodyguard č  enter Drillbit Taylor.

Taylor represents himself as an Army Ranger, a master of dark ops and martial arts. He is, in fact, none of those things. But, he manages to keep the kids convinced that he’s on their side, all the while plotting to rob them of their excess. After Wade gets punched, Drillbit decides he needs to be in school with the kids, and poses as a substitute teacher. As he tells his friends, “All you have to do is walk around with a cup of coffee in your hand and nobody asks you any questions.” 

As can be expected while posing as the sub, Drillbit becomes a favorite of the faculty and students č with the exception of the bully, whom he constantly gives a hard time. He also manages to win the adoration of an over-sexed English teacher who has a way of picking out real losers. 

As the plot turns, the kids learn Drillbit is not who he says he is and their disappointment in him is crushing. “I thought you were my friend,” said Wade. 

Not to spoil the movie for you, if you really want to waste $7, this is an undedog movie, so things always come right in the end. Maybe just not the way you thought.

There are some good performances of bad characters by Wilson and Gentile. Gentile’s rap off against the bully brings some laughs, as does a few of  Wilson’s scenes with Hartley and with his street buddies. But by in large, the writing was weak, the plot was predictable and the characters never really grab you.

Drillbit Taylor should stay at the bottom of your to see list. But if you’ll take some friendly advice, never even put it on the list.

{mosimage}The furor dies down in the final episode ofJohn Adams (Sunday, 9 p.m., HBO). The British have been defeated, the United States has been created and Adams’ epic struggles as ambassador and president are behind him. He is an old man puttering about his farm with stringy white hair, bad teeth and an ever-present scowl. Very little happens over the course of the hour, and yet this is perhaps the richest of the seven episodes.

Much of the credit goes to Paul Giamatti. He creates an unforgettable portrait of an aging titan obsessed with the past. This is no saint, but a conflicted human being who struggles with resentment and regret. He feels neglected, his achievements undervalued. “In some circles I am openly despised,” he groans to wife Abigail (Laura Linney. “In others I am irrelevant.” Abigail rolls her eyes, and so do we.

But a kind of redemption comes as Adams begins a correspondence with old enemy Thomas Jefferson, his only surviving peer from the revolutionary days. He sets aside jealousy sends a note to Jefferson at Monticello, one melancholy genius to another. “You and I are not to die until we have explained ourselves to each other,” he writes.

You’ll just have to believe me when I say that a simple exchange of letters is the most moving TV climax you’ll see all year.

The Sarah Jane Adventures

Friday, 8 p.m. (Sci Fi)

ThisDoctor Who spinoff is set on earth, but don’t expect any shortage of alien action. Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen) uses her expertise in intergalactic affairs to keep extraterrestrials from conquering the planet. Why these creatures can’t keep their cotton-picking claws out of our orbit is beyond me.

This BBC production clearly has limited funds for sets and special effects. But it offers great English acting, cheeky satire and a rare chance to see a middle-aged woman save the world. Given all that, you’re willing to overlook the occasional rubbery monster with sagging tentacles.

Princess

Sunday, 8 p.m. (ABC Family)

Enchanted delightfully satirized a Disney-style fairy tale while also delivering all the genre’s conventional pleasures. You appreciate this achievement even more after watchingPrincess.The TV movie goes for a similar tone and bungles it every step of the way. Did someone put an evil spell on ABC Family?

A guy who lives in a contemporary city (Kip Pardue) falls for a real princess (Nora Zehetner) in a nearby castle. The movie doesn’t bother making sense of this scenario. What’s a woman in a Snow White getup doing in modern times? And what does she see in this charmless Prince Charming? You’re supposed to give yourself over to their fairy-tale love, but the crude stab at satire makes that impossible. The references to lesbians, drugs and stalkers strain to be hip, but even Dopey would find them dopey.

Where’s a poison apple when you need one?

American Experience

Monday, 9 p.m. (PBS)

This week’s episode details the inspiring life and tragic death of baseball star Roberto Clemente. Clemente transcended every kind of hardship to become one of America’s great heroes. He was born into a poor Puerto Rican family and began working in the sugar cane fields at age eight. His athletic ability brought him to the big leagues in the 1950s, when the odds were stacked against a black Latino. But Clemente fought against prejudice to become a beloved superstar, conducting himself with dignity as Puerto Rico’s de facto ambassador. He threw himself into civil rights and humanitarian causes as passionately as he did into baseball.

If you skip the last 10 minutes, this program will lift your spirits for the whole day.

Let me explain╔

It’s a wonderful thing when someone starts on a new plan č the body responds by shedding a few unwanted pounds or inches; getting a little bit stronger, and we generally feel better about ourselves, which in turn spurs us on for a little while longer. The reality of this is that it is simply your body’s natural reaction! What’s happening is your body is responding to a new stimulus forcing it to respond. Once it’s adapted to that new stimulus, it’s now nothing more than the new “normal” for us!

What that means is that our bodies will no longer respond to that stimulus! It’s simply part of our daily norm. Some days might be harder than others, but all in all, the body will no longer be forced to change. See, our bodies are a naturally adaptive organism designed to respond to stimulus. Positive stimulus equals positive response; negative equals negative. Nothing new equals no change!

To make constantly improving changes to our bodies, we must constantly change what we are doing. I know I’ll step on a lot of toes out there, but once your body has responded to walking, it becomes nothing more than transportation! Yes, you can walk further and or faster, but ultimately, it just means going further and faster....Very little will change!

Same thing with how many days you should exercise. Yes, I tell people that two days a week is a great start and we have many people who do see good results in twice a week. But, in all reality, you do need exercise the body four or five days a week╔ you just don’t have to live in the gym! We’ll talk about that in future issues.

Two of the most important things you can do outside of proper nutrition and rest, is constantly vary your workouts and use intensity!

How do we do this? First, start by selecting exercises that are going to illicit a huge physiological and neurological change in your body. These are compound movements that use the whole body like squatting, deadlifting and pressing. Leave the fluffy exercises till the end or skip them all together. These “big” exercises can seem daunting if never done before, but once you master them, you will find they do a lot more for you than the machines at your local gym. Next, combine your weight training with your cardio╔ mix it up. Constantly change how you exercise and do this three or four times a week.

After that, exercise with intensity! Now that is relative to the individual╔. Intensity for someone never having exercised before is possibly five minutes and if that’s you, that is awesome! Five minutes is a HUGE accomplishment for someone who hasn’t exercised before. For those of you who go to the gym regularly, here is what intensity is not: using a piece of cardio equipment, reading a magazine, talking on a cell phone and catching the latest rerun ofFriends! 

If you want to see changes in your body, in how you look, and how you feel, your workouts should be challenging and done at a level that you struggle to accomplish it. I don’t believe in the old adage, “no pain, no gain.” That’s a means to an injury, but I do believe that it should not be comfortable. Remember, we got where we are by being “comfortable.” Do we really want to stay there?

John Velandra is the owner of Designs In Fitness and Cross Fit Cape Fear. COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or editor@upandcomingweekly.com