In a recent column, you validated a woman’s desire to lose weight solely to meet her husband’s needs. Your encouraging her to take off pounds and get plastic surgery for him is an insult to yourself and every woman who reads your disgraceful article. I disagree with your notion that males care more about looks. I’m a heterosexual woman, and my dates’ looks are extremely important to me. For a few extra pounds to prevent a man from seeing why he fell in love with his wife is barbaric. If you’re really in love, you transcend the external. If this woman can find it within herself to love the stuff she’s made of, she’ll attract attention she never thought imaginable - the sort only unconditional self-acceptance brings.

--Appalled

If a woman’s sex appeal sprang from inner beauty, Eleanor Roosevelt, who looked like a scone in a housedress, would’ve been Playboy’s hottest selling cover girl of all time. 

The woman who wrote me wanted to lose weight after stress-eating herself 50 pounds heavier in seven months. Her husband hadn’t lost track of her inner beauty, he was just having a hard time finding her waist. He didn’t stop loving her, he just stopped wanting to have sex with her. Although she wasn’t losing weight “solely to meet her husband’s needs,” when is it not in a woman’s interest to keep her husband interested? Regarding her desire for plastic surgery, if a woman’s got post-weight-loss flapping flesh she’d like removed, who am I to tell her, no, do your best to walk proud with Dumbo’s ears hanging over your skirt like pockets out of jeans?

It isn’t just my “notion” that women are less looks-driven, but my notion based on reams of data showing that women seem to be hard-wired to care more about a guy’s status and earning potential. Sure, you can make a guy’s hotitude your priority because, at 19, it doesn’t matter so much if he’s earning his living carving carrots into swans on the street corner. Ten years from now, if you’re looking to start a family, I’m guessing you’ll be up for a little less hair in exchange for a little more 401(k). Think about it: If Bill Gates became single, women would line up like it was free tickets to The Stones. Whaddya wanna bet, when he was your age, women kicked him out of the way to get to the rocker boy who turned in cans to pay for food?

According to you, if a man’s “really in love,” he can “transcend the external.” Lovely idea, no basis in reality. Male sexuality is much more visual than female sexuality. But, don’t just take it from me, take it from a man who used to be a woman. Griffin Hansbury, a former lesbian who underwent sex reassignment surgery, talked on “This American Life” about how he saw women before and after “T” č testosterone injections. “Before...I would see a woman on the subway, and...I’d like to meet her, what’s that book she’s reading?” Afterward, even nice ankles on a woman would be “enough to flood my mind with aggressive pornographic images.... It was like...a pornographic nudie house in my mind. And I couldn’t turn it off.”

If anyone’s reducing this woman to the sum of her fleshy parts, it’s you. “The stuff she’s made of” isn’t 50 extra pounds. She could continue collecting chins and insist a worthwhile man would lust after her character alone, but that’s really just a different kind of unhealthy than starving yourself until you look like a praying mantis in shoes.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA╩ 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

(c)2008, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Theatre is going down the toilet

Irish director-playwright Paul Walker’s production of “Ladies & Gents” opened for a March run in New York City 29 blocks north of Broadway in a public restroom. According to an Associated Press report, the entire play takes place among the porcelain in a bathroom in Central Park, portraying “the seedy underside of 1950s Dublin,” with the audience of 25 standing beside rows of stalls, near “spiders, foul odors and puddles of questionable origin.” Walker proudly admits that he wanted to take the audience “out of their comfort zone” to create “a different energy.” Actor John O’Callaghan recalled that rehearsals were especially difficult: “One man actually came in and had a pee right in front of us. 

Cultural Diversity 

In October, the government of Singapore, anxious about the city’s declining birth rate, began teaching its high school polytechnic students in formal courses on how to flirt. Said Isabel, 18: “My teacher said if a guy looks into my eyes for more than five seconds, it could mean that he is attracted to me, and I stand a chance,” according to a March Reuters dispatch. The course includes “love song analysis” and how to chat online. 

Officials in the Shivpuri district of India’s Madhya Pradesh state, needing a promising program to slow the country’s still-booming birth rate, announced in March that men who volunteer for vasectomies will be rewarded with certificates that speed them through the ordinarily slow line to obtain gun permits. Said an administrator, the loss, through vasectomy, of a “perceived notion of manliness” would be offset “with a bigger symbol of manliness.”  

The Continuing Crisis 

Registered sex offender Jason Lee, 28, was arrested in Cincinnati in February and charged with several counts of deception for his seemingly benevolent acts of posting bond for two female strangers who had been arrested. Later, according to police, he had demanded sex and drugs from the women as payback, and a prosecutor said Lee had trolled for names of arrested women on the Web site of the Clerk of the Court. 

Questionable Judgments: Jason Fife was sentenced to probation and community service after harassing his estranged wife’s boyfriend with a special package delivery. Fife, said his lawyer, now “understands that in a civilized society, a person cannot send (someone) a severed cow’s head....”  

In December, Sister Kathy Avery of St. Clare of Montefalco Catholic School in Grosse Pointe Park, Mich., held all fifth- through eighth-graders after class in the school’s chapel so she could inform them of the new rules against cussing. According to the kids, Avery held nothing back: She recited a list of the actual, blush-producing words and phrases she was talking about. Said Avery afterward, “It got a little quiet in church.” 

Least Competent Criminals 

Krystal Evans, 26, and Denise McClure, 24, rifled through packages on a DHL delivery truck in December in Crescent City, Calif., looking for their urine samples headed for the lab because they were certain theirs would test positive, which would have meant their return to jail. The driver summoned police, and the women were arrested for destroying evidence and violating their probation and in March were convicted and could face two years in prison. Evans’ original sample turned out to be clean, after all, but during the December arrest, she tested positive for methamphetamine. 

COPYRIGHT 2008 CHUCK SHEPHERD   

(Rated PG-13)

Rated: Not even on the charts

{mosimage}Sometimes the tag line on a movie is cute. Sometimes it’s catchy. And sometimes, it’s prophetic. Such is the case ofDrillbit Taylor, the latest release of Owen Wilson. To put it in layman’s terms, this movie was more than disapponting, in fact, I would call it simply bad. Forget about what the tabloids said about Wilson’s recent depression. It had nothing to do with his love life. Truth to be told, it was probably this movie.

Wilson has great comedic timing. You expect him to play off-beat characters. You expect the delivery of his lines to be sarcastic. And he delivered on those expectations. It was the script that left him in the lurch. 

The brain child of John Hughes, the man who gave us all of those great ‘80s movies čThe Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, the National LampoonVacationmovies čDrillbit Taylor is a story Hollywood likes to retell in various formats. 

It’s the story of two boys getting ready to start high school č no shocker here, they are stereotypically geeky. And as is true of most geeks, they have good hearts. On the first day of school, rather than celebrating in the fact that another kid even geeker than them has drawn the attention of school bully Filkins (played by Alex Frost),  Wade, played by Nat Hartley, steps in to stop the bully from putting the kid in a locker. As expected, his intervention draws the ire of Filkins, and he, and his best friend, Ryan (Troy Gentile) become the target of the bully’s ire. The three, the geeky kid, the fat kid and the “awesome” kid have big targets on their foreheads.

Things go from bad to worse when they take the matter of bullying up with the school principal who embodies every stereotype of the dumb principal. After being chased down by Filkins in his car, they decide to seek the services of a bodyguard č  enter Drillbit Taylor.

Taylor represents himself as an Army Ranger, a master of dark ops and martial arts. He is, in fact, none of those things. But, he manages to keep the kids convinced that he’s on their side, all the while plotting to rob them of their excess. After Wade gets punched, Drillbit decides he needs to be in school with the kids, and poses as a substitute teacher. As he tells his friends, “All you have to do is walk around with a cup of coffee in your hand and nobody asks you any questions.” 

As can be expected while posing as the sub, Drillbit becomes a favorite of the faculty and students č with the exception of the bully, whom he constantly gives a hard time. He also manages to win the adoration of an over-sexed English teacher who has a way of picking out real losers. 

As the plot turns, the kids learn Drillbit is not who he says he is and their disappointment in him is crushing. “I thought you were my friend,” said Wade. 

Not to spoil the movie for you, if you really want to waste $7, this is an undedog movie, so things always come right in the end. Maybe just not the way you thought.

There are some good performances of bad characters by Wilson and Gentile. Gentile’s rap off against the bully brings some laughs, as does a few of  Wilson’s scenes with Hartley and with his street buddies. But by in large, the writing was weak, the plot was predictable and the characters never really grab you.

Drillbit Taylor should stay at the bottom of your to see list. But if you’ll take some friendly advice, never even put it on the list.

{mosimage}The furor dies down in the final episode ofJohn Adams (Sunday, 9 p.m., HBO). The British have been defeated, the United States has been created and Adams’ epic struggles as ambassador and president are behind him. He is an old man puttering about his farm with stringy white hair, bad teeth and an ever-present scowl. Very little happens over the course of the hour, and yet this is perhaps the richest of the seven episodes.

Much of the credit goes to Paul Giamatti. He creates an unforgettable portrait of an aging titan obsessed with the past. This is no saint, but a conflicted human being who struggles with resentment and regret. He feels neglected, his achievements undervalued. “In some circles I am openly despised,” he groans to wife Abigail (Laura Linney. “In others I am irrelevant.” Abigail rolls her eyes, and so do we.

But a kind of redemption comes as Adams begins a correspondence with old enemy Thomas Jefferson, his only surviving peer from the revolutionary days. He sets aside jealousy sends a note to Jefferson at Monticello, one melancholy genius to another. “You and I are not to die until we have explained ourselves to each other,” he writes.

You’ll just have to believe me when I say that a simple exchange of letters is the most moving TV climax you’ll see all year.

The Sarah Jane Adventures

Friday, 8 p.m. (Sci Fi)

ThisDoctor Who spinoff is set on earth, but don’t expect any shortage of alien action. Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen) uses her expertise in intergalactic affairs to keep extraterrestrials from conquering the planet. Why these creatures can’t keep their cotton-picking claws out of our orbit is beyond me.

This BBC production clearly has limited funds for sets and special effects. But it offers great English acting, cheeky satire and a rare chance to see a middle-aged woman save the world. Given all that, you’re willing to overlook the occasional rubbery monster with sagging tentacles.

Princess

Sunday, 8 p.m. (ABC Family)

Enchanted delightfully satirized a Disney-style fairy tale while also delivering all the genre’s conventional pleasures. You appreciate this achievement even more after watchingPrincess.The TV movie goes for a similar tone and bungles it every step of the way. Did someone put an evil spell on ABC Family?

A guy who lives in a contemporary city (Kip Pardue) falls for a real princess (Nora Zehetner) in a nearby castle. The movie doesn’t bother making sense of this scenario. What’s a woman in a Snow White getup doing in modern times? And what does she see in this charmless Prince Charming? You’re supposed to give yourself over to their fairy-tale love, but the crude stab at satire makes that impossible. The references to lesbians, drugs and stalkers strain to be hip, but even Dopey would find them dopey.

Where’s a poison apple when you need one?

American Experience

Monday, 9 p.m. (PBS)

This week’s episode details the inspiring life and tragic death of baseball star Roberto Clemente. Clemente transcended every kind of hardship to become one of America’s great heroes. He was born into a poor Puerto Rican family and began working in the sugar cane fields at age eight. His athletic ability brought him to the big leagues in the 1950s, when the odds were stacked against a black Latino. But Clemente fought against prejudice to become a beloved superstar, conducting himself with dignity as Puerto Rico’s de facto ambassador. He threw himself into civil rights and humanitarian causes as passionately as he did into baseball.

If you skip the last 10 minutes, this program will lift your spirits for the whole day.

Let me explain╔

It’s a wonderful thing when someone starts on a new plan č the body responds by shedding a few unwanted pounds or inches; getting a little bit stronger, and we generally feel better about ourselves, which in turn spurs us on for a little while longer. The reality of this is that it is simply your body’s natural reaction! What’s happening is your body is responding to a new stimulus forcing it to respond. Once it’s adapted to that new stimulus, it’s now nothing more than the new “normal” for us!

What that means is that our bodies will no longer respond to that stimulus! It’s simply part of our daily norm. Some days might be harder than others, but all in all, the body will no longer be forced to change. See, our bodies are a naturally adaptive organism designed to respond to stimulus. Positive stimulus equals positive response; negative equals negative. Nothing new equals no change!

To make constantly improving changes to our bodies, we must constantly change what we are doing. I know I’ll step on a lot of toes out there, but once your body has responded to walking, it becomes nothing more than transportation! Yes, you can walk further and or faster, but ultimately, it just means going further and faster....Very little will change!

Same thing with how many days you should exercise. Yes, I tell people that two days a week is a great start and we have many people who do see good results in twice a week. But, in all reality, you do need exercise the body four or five days a week╔ you just don’t have to live in the gym! We’ll talk about that in future issues.

Two of the most important things you can do outside of proper nutrition and rest, is constantly vary your workouts and use intensity!

How do we do this? First, start by selecting exercises that are going to illicit a huge physiological and neurological change in your body. These are compound movements that use the whole body like squatting, deadlifting and pressing. Leave the fluffy exercises till the end or skip them all together. These “big” exercises can seem daunting if never done before, but once you master them, you will find they do a lot more for you than the machines at your local gym. Next, combine your weight training with your cardio╔ mix it up. Constantly change how you exercise and do this three or four times a week.

After that, exercise with intensity! Now that is relative to the individual╔. Intensity for someone never having exercised before is possibly five minutes and if that’s you, that is awesome! Five minutes is a HUGE accomplishment for someone who hasn’t exercised before. For those of you who go to the gym regularly, here is what intensity is not: using a piece of cardio equipment, reading a magazine, talking on a cell phone and catching the latest rerun ofFriends! 

If you want to see changes in your body, in how you look, and how you feel, your workouts should be challenging and done at a level that you struggle to accomplish it. I don’t believe in the old adage, “no pain, no gain.” That’s a means to an injury, but I do believe that it should not be comfortable. Remember, we got where we are by being “comfortable.” Do we really want to stay there?

John Velandra is the owner of Designs In Fitness and Cross Fit Cape Fear. COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or editor@upandcomingweekly.com

{mosimage}Dear EarthTalk: How can I find out which seafood to avoid if I am concerned about lessening my impact on the environment and avoiding consuming unhealthy pollutants?   -- Pat Kelly, Seattle, WA

Several decades ago a fish-centric diet was considered to be not only healthy but also environmentally friendly. But today those of us who eat a lot of fish may not be doing ourselves or the environment any favor. The two major concerns are overfishing and pollution.

Demand for low-calorie, protein-rich fish has grown tremendously alongside increases in world population. At the same time, the technologies employed for catching seafood have improved to the point that the commercial fishing industry has essentially stripped the ocean of its once teeming fish populations. One recent analysis concluded that only 10 percent of the large predatory fish that once roamed the world’s oceans are left, due to overzealous sport and commercial fishing. Another study concluded that three-quarters of the world’s fisheries are either fully fished or overfished.

Pollution from industrial, agricultural and other everyday activities like electricity generation and automobile driving has also taken a serious toll on the health of the remaining fish species. Scientists routinely find unsafe levels of mercury, PCBs, dioxins, pesticides and other harsh toxins in the fat, internal organs and even muscle tissue of many different kinds of fish. These contaminants are then passed on up the food chain to our dinner plates.

According to Seafood Watch, a project of the Monterey Bay Aquarium that works to educate the public about the seafood crisis, consumers can make a difference by getting educated so as to make smart choices about what seafood to avoid. Consumers can download and print out free Seafood Watch pocket guides to the “best choices” across six different regions of the U.S. č after all, what’s abundant and sustainably harvested in your area may not be the same for someone across the country.

Another convenient way to get the low-down on the fish you may be contemplating buying at the grocer or a restaurant is to text “30644” with the message “FISH,” followed by the name of the specific fish in question. In a few seconds, an automated response will come back from the non-profit Blue Ocean Network’s FishPhone service with information on the status of the fish in question č and alternatives, should Blue Ocean consider the fish an undesirable choice.

The basic skinny on fish consumption is that if you like it, you should eat it, but responsibly č that means in moderation and armed with the proper knowledge of which types of fish to buy and which to avoid.

For those looking to cut down on or eliminate seafood from their diets but still gain the health benefits of eating fish, plenty of alternatives exist. As most vegetarians know, beans, tofu and many nuts can be significant alternative sources of protein. And walnuts, flaxseed and hemp oil/seeds are all rich in the Omega-3 fatty acids common in many fish and thought to help ward off heart disease, cancer, macular degeneration (age-related blindness), arthritis and inflammatory disorders.

GOT AN ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTION? Send it to: EarthTalk, c/o E/The Environmental Magazine, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; submit it at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/thisweek/, or e-mail: earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php.

My boyfriend of nine months leaves a mess in my home, and it infuriates me. Although he’s otherwise a great guy, just a glass not taken to the kitchen makes me boil with rage. He doesn’t only leave glasses around, but dishes and trash, napkins and soda cans. Jackets and sweatshirts are dropped wherever. He lies on the bed without taking his shoes off...arrrrgh! And he spits toothpaste into the sink without rinsing it out, and never does dishes when we cook or put carryout on plates. I don’t understand my anger because I sometimes leave a glass out, too. I do know I shouldn’t approach him about this while I’m this upset. 

--Pigpen’s Girlfriend 

Where does your boyfriend think dirty dishes go to die? Do they jump out an open window and smash themselves on the pavement? Leap into a sinkful of soapy water and drown themselves? Or, do they hire a hit man to do the job? Maybe an aging housewife who breaks into your place in the dead of night, slowly and methodically pulls on rubber gloves, then holds the plates under water until the deed is done. 

Your boyfriend could be pondering this question nightly, but it seems he’s too busy flopping on the bed, swinging his big shoes onto your duvet, and snoring. Meanwhile, you’re storming around the house collecting cans, snarling, “What does he think, that I answered an ad for a fully furnished dumpster with cable TV? Or was he worried I’d get lost making my way back from the living room to the kitchen? How sweet of him to leave a trail of dirty napkins to mark my path!”

Next, he’ll complain there’s no mint on the pillow č or, worse yet, he’ll slip and call you Mom. Who, exactly, does he think picks up all this stuff he drops? Actually, he probably hasn’t the slightest idea. In fact, while, for you, one empty Chicken McNuggets box on the couch turns your apartment into a Superfund site, your boyfriend might have to sit on the thing to realize it’s there. As I’ve written before, research shows that, in general, straight men don’t have the filth- and clutter-vision women and gay men do. Men generally have better distance vision, and can maintain intense focus on small-scale projects, but they’re prone to overlook environmental detail č increasing the chance that they’ll let the chips (and the empty potato chip bags) fall where they may.

Okay, so the glass is not only half-empty, it’s been on your foyer table for three whole days. How could your boyfriend not know how upset this makes you? Well, there is the fact that, instead of sweetly telling him what works for you, it seems you’ve spent the better part of a year festering with hate. Your inability to ask, “Mind doing the dishes tonight?” or tease him about the difference between a bedspread and a sidewalk, suggests there’s more to this than liking things tidy. Are you anxious or insecure, and manifesting it in a Gestapo-like need to control your environment? Are you skittish about commitment and seeking an out, like the idea that he doesn’t respect you? If you want to be with him, tell him what you need. If he cares about you, he’ll make an effort. He might sometimes screw up, but he’ll probably put a good spin on it: Dinner with you was so romantic and wonderful, he wanted to leave you a little something to remember it by č something day-old and encrusted on a plate. Come on, look closely at that petrified moo shu. Can’t you see a heart? 

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA╩ 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

(c)2008, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

While March Madness dominates intercollegiate athletics, another group of collegians works out amidst coaches’ whistles, endures bloody, 12-hour practices, and cheers on teammates preparing for the national championship in meat-judging, in which about 40 colleges compete, according to a March Wall Street Journal report. Coaches at powerhouses like Colorado State and South Dakota State say skills such as evaluating T-bone cutting and spotting whether a pig has too much back fat come with determination and concentration (and, of course, practice, as one coach said it all comes down to time spent in the meat locker, at 38 degrees (Fahrenheit)). (And pro scouts are watching from the stands, representatives of U.S. meat companies, seeking talent.)

Fine Points of the Law 

Italy’s highest appeals court ruled in March that it is not illegal for a woman to lie in a police investigation if the reason is to cover up her adulterous affair. Court of Cassation judges said that her honor is more important than providing intimate information about her lover. 

The North Carolina Court of Appeals voted 2-1 in February to approve a worker compensation claim for only one of a woman’s breast-implant replacements, ruling that the other implant ruptured (in a job-related accident) only because it had been improperly installed. (The dissenting judge said, even so, the compensation fund should pay for the second replacement, too, because to achieve their purpose, both breasts must be aligned properly on the chest.) 

The Entrepreneurial Spirit! 

When Johnny Diablo’s year-old vegan restaurant failed to catch on in Portland, Ore., last year, he converted the space into Casa Diablo’s Gentlemen’s Club, which is what he believes is the world’s only vegan strip club. He has no rule against meat-eating dancers, he told Willamette Week newspaper in February, but won’t permit leather, fur, silk or wool outfits on stage (no “murder victims” in the club, he said).  

Cosmetics from the American company Blue Q, under the “Lookin’ Good for Jesus” brand urging users to “Get Tight with Christ,” were pulled from stores in Singapore in February due to complaints, but Blue Q said it’s not abandoning that line of hand and body creams, lip balm, breath spray and bubble bath. (Of course, Blue Q also markets similar cosmetics under such brands as “Dirty Girl,” “Cute as Hell,” “Total Bitch” and “Virgin/Slut,” as well as a car air-freshener by its brand “Cat Butt.” 

Science on the Cutting Edge 

A team of researchers from the University of Calgary and the Tokyo Institute of Technology proudly announced in February that they had successfully stored “nothing” inside a puff of gas and then had managed to retrieve that same “nothing.” That “nothing” is called a “squeezed vacuum,” and the physicists tell us that a light wave can be manipulated so that its phases are of uncertain amplitude, then the light itself removed so that only the “uncertainty” property of the wave remains. 

In February, the South Korean cell phone company KTF announced a new voice-analysis program for its customers to enable them to evaluate their sincerity when calling a lover. The caller can point the phone’s camera at himself and see a meter on the screen measuring his own passion, then receive a text message afterward noting voice expressions by the person receiving the call (surprise, honesty, etc.). 

COPYRIGHT 2008 CHUCK SHEPHERD   

{mosimage}Dear EarthTalk: How safe are the fire retardants that are used to quell forest fires across the American West?

-- Barbara, Minneapolis, MN

So-called long-term fire retardants - those usually dropped from airplanes over forest fires - are comprised of water mixed with a slurry of chemicals, thickeners and corrosion inhibitors designed to prevent plants on the ground from igniting, keep the ingredients from separating and dispersing during targeted drops, and ensure that the harsh chemicals on board the plane don’t endanger the flight’s safety.

Firefighters sometimes add iron oxide to make the fire retardant turn red when applied so they can see where they have already covered. Ammonium phosphate and ammonium sulfate, known for their use as agricultural fertilizers, are also often added to provide nutrients to help the forest regenerate after a burn.

In recent years, where global warming and droughts have exacerbated forest fires across the American West, federal and state firefighting agencies have upped their cumulative annual use of long-term fire retardants to some 20+ million gallons a year spread across tens of thousands of individual fly-overs. 

While such chemicals have been valuable in minimizing the damage of forest fires, their use comes with a price. The nitrogen in ammonium phosphate and ammonium sulfate can wreak terrible havoc on aquatic ecosystems, creating algae blooms that kill fish by choking out their oxygen. A 1998 study by the U.S. Geological Survey’s Northern Prairie Wildlife Research Center, found long-term fire retardants to be “very toxic to aquatic organisms including algae, aquatic invertebrates and fish.” The study also said that fire-fighting chemicals “could cause substantial fish kills depending on the stream size and flow rate.” 

These chemicals have also been shown to affect some plants’ reproductive capacities. One study found that spraying fire retardants in some cases decreased plant species diversity, as weedier species better adapted to make use of excess nitrogen in the soil tended to thrive while native species were not able to compete.

In 2000 the U.S. Forest Service issued guidelines for use of fire retardants by aerial fire fighting crews. While the focus of the document was fire control and safety, it encouraged pilots to avoid applying retardant within 300 feet of waterways or other sensitive areas. The Forest Service acknowledges the risk of using retardants, but believes that their use in moderation is a net gain; as fewer “ground troops” need to be sent in to risky situations while more property can be saved from the ravages of a fast-moving fire.

Fires are actually an essential part of forest ecology and many species of trees and plants thrive in part because of the natural occurrence of fires (sequoia trees, for example, depend upon the high temperatures of forest fires to pry open their cones so new seeds can spring forth and take root). The main reason that such catastrophic, news making fires occur in the first place is that humans have sprawled too closely to the forest edge. This has lead to forest management policies that suppress natural fires, causing large build-ups of tinder-like woody debris that eventually ignites and burns out of control.

GOT AN ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTION? Send it to: EarthTalk, c/o E/The Environmental Magazine, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; submit it at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/thisweek/, or e-mail: earthtalk@emagazine.com. Read past columns at: www.emagazine.com/earthtalk/archives.php.

 When I get on my bike in the morning I ask myself “Who’s going to try to kill me today?” I say this to get my focus on business. We all know that riding is dangerous not so much because of our skills but because someone else isn’t watching out for us or we don’t see them. No matter what the cause is, if an accident occurs, as riders we have responsibilities which go beyond our riding.

 I wish this was a cool article about riding, but this one is on responsibilities of the worse type. In my wallet I have a piece of paper wrapped around my driver’s license that reads “If you are reading this, I’ve screwed up. Please call╔..”and I give contact information for my family members. I printed this up after seeing a few wrecks and wondered how hard it was for first responders to track down someone’s relatives or next-of-kin. At first I just had it in my wallet but my cousin Jerry, who is a fireman in Raleigh, suggested that I wrap it around my license. That was a great idea.

My letter goes on to give addresses, home, cell and work numbers where these people can be found. I give them an alternate person to contact, as well as my blood type. I also tell them I am a donor and my last sentence reads “Thank you for scraping me up.”

 It’s pretty funny and my hope is to tell my last joke if this happens to be my final publishing. I’m a funny guy like that, but seriously I don’t want a policeman or first responder spending the day trying to figure out my life story. We live in a military town and because so many people have their licenses and tags registered at their home-of-record it could make finding a loved one difficult. No one would like to see anyone wasting a day trying to find your wife or husband in Biloxi, Miss., only to discover that they actually live off Owen Drive.

 It is also important to have your legal affairs in order in the event of something tragic occurring. Many of us ride with our significant others and if something happens to both of us, it is our responsibility to make sure that our family is taken care of. If you don’t have a will, living will or durable Power of Attorney, you will want to speak with an attorney to make sure that you have your affairs in order. Oh, did I ask you if “there is any unfinished business” before I go? 

motorcycle4fun@aol.com. RIDE SAFE!

Have we come to a time in this country when we are ready to deal upfront and honestly with our grievances and hopes concerning the burden of racial misunderstanding that is woven into the fabric of American society? 

Our recent public discussion of portions of Jeremiah Wright’s sermons reminded us that race can still pop up anywhere when we are thinking about politics and national leadership decisions. Then Barack Obama’s speech on race in America last week gave many of us hope that we can face these complexities and emotional minefields more openly and positively. But others, with despair or cynicism, assert the hopelessness of ever dealing with this confounding national burden. 

Coincidentally or providentially, I have been reading book about the struggle of another group of Americans to overcome discrimination and suspicion to find a secure and welcome place in this country. 

Durham native Eli Evan’s classic memoir and study of Southern Jews,The Provincials: A Personal History of Jews in the South, was recently reissued in an updated and expanded version by UNC Press. (Evans is returning home this weekend to appear at the Triangle Jewish Film Festival in Cary. 

Originally published in 1973 when the Civil Rights revolution was still painfully readjusting the legal framework of southern race relations, Evan’s book chronicled the special challenges that Jews faced throughout their history in our region. More specifically, his personal memoir deals with the North Carolina experience of his family. 

Evan’s parents were the children of immigrants from Eastern Europe who came to North Carolina as house-to-house to house peddlers, then storekeepers, then successful business owners and finally respected civic leaders. 

His father, Mutt Evans, eventually won election as mayor of Durham, crafted a role as a progressive and gained respect and affection from his community. His uncle, Monroe Evans, served as mayor of Fayetteville. Other members of the family took on important community leadership positions. 

Eli Evans also achieved political success in high school and at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where in 1957 he won election as president of student government. 

The political and civic contributions and successes of the Evans and of other Jewish families in North Carolina could be compared to the later political successes of African Americans. Similarly, those successes did not bring with them total acceptance or complete inclusion in southern society. 

Jews continued to be viewed as different, and barriers to acceptance as “one of us remained.” 

Evans’ poignant descriptions of his struggles to find a comfortable place in his Bible Belt homeland evoke tears and laughter. As a youngster, he joined his non-Jewish friends at the numerous revivals that were important social events in his growing up years in Durham. Enjoying the music and rhythms of the service, he was caught in a panic when the preacher called for uplifted hands to signify salvation. “Lift it high,” the preacher said. “Lift it high as you can. Lift it and say ‘I am saved.’ Higher. You can do it. Let Him in your heart. If you can’t lift it, something is wrong.” 

When someone lifted Eli’s hand, “Wild-eyed and afraid, I jerked my hand away and bolted out of the tent as fast as I could, heading for home.” 

Christmas and Easter seasons presented special problems for the young Eli, seeking acceptance but trying to remain true to his family’s religious heritage. What was he to do during the Christian devotionals in his public school classrooms? How was he to participate in the Christmas pageants? When a teacher assigned him the “best” part, Joseph, he respectfully and firmly declined, only to be given the part of the evil tax collector, “the heartless representative of King Herod.” 

Constantly having to explain to his non-Jewish contemporaries why he was a little different from Christians, he acknowledged his uncomfortable confusion. “Deep down, Jesus still worried me.” 

Like Obama’s recent speech, Evan’s book is an open and personal invitation to step into the shoes of others, to discuss and explore our real divisions, and then to find in those differences a basis for respect and celebration of the kind of unity that is the best of America’s potential č and promise.

The Ruins (Rated PG-13/R)

Rated 5 Stars

{mosimage}Every PG-13/R movie released in the last three months showed the trailer for The Ruins (91 minutes). At first, this movie looked intriguing, then after the sixth time the trailer flashed on the screen, it started looking a little cheesy. Last week, when the trailer appeared in front of Doomsday I yelled at the screen. Of course, for such an overexposed movie, internet buzz and hype from people who read Scott Smith’s novel (he also scripted) guaranteed that I would at least give this one a try. Since the only other movie that looked promising this week was Stop-Loss (and I love Kimberly Pierce╔but that does not look like a movie a reviewer can sum up in 500 words), I wandered in to see The Ruins somewhat reluctantly.  

Once I got past the slow start (why spend so much time watching the leads drink tequila?  Let’s get chopping!) I was pleasantly surprised to discover a somewhat original, fast paced, horror movie filled with above average characterization. Remembering, of course, that the average horror movie characterization involves creating obnoxious one-note characters the audience is glad to see mutilated.  

Medical student Jeff (Jonathan Tucker) and his girlfriend Amy (Jenna Malone), along with Eric (Shawn Ashmore) and his girlfriend Stacy (Laura Ramsey) head for an archaeological dig with Mathias (Joe Anderson) and Dimitri (Dimitri Baveas) on the last day of their Cancun vacation. Once at the site, creepy non-talking Mayan children fetch even creepier weapon-wielding Mayan adults, and the group is forced up a vine-covered pyramid. At first, they decide to conserve their supplies and wait for rescue, but supernatural attacks sow panic and dissent among them. Their cell phones prove useless, and various injuries are sustained by several members of the group as they search for a way off the pyramid. Gradually, they realize that help will not arrive in time to save their lives, and the group is slowly whittled down one by one.  

The usual horror movie desperation occurs, but it occurs alongside some effective character development. Take bets on who will survive, and you may end up surprised, as characters that initially appear strong quickly crack under pressure. For a movie I expected to dislike, I was pleasantly engrossed (with the emphasis on “gross”) with the story. The special effects on the mutilation shots made me groan, and there is nice attention to detail on the antagonists and the dead bodies. The lighting is superb, with the sunlit top of the pyramid creating a nice contrast to the dark inner chamber. Unlike many movies, only one or two bits slowed down the pace, and it felt more like 45 minutes than 91. However, with such a strong original plot, it was disappointing that the female leads spent so much time half naked. The male leads get to wear long shorts and shirts, but at least one of the female leads spent most of the movie stripped down to her panties and covered in dirt and blood.  

Overall, a nice little movie that made me forgive Jenna Malone for the self-indulgent travesty that was Corn. The Ruins will play well with Stephen King fans, and anyone who liked The Mist, Day of the Triffids, and Hostel. Bravo director Carter Smith, Bravo.

{mosimage}One of cable’s deadliest traditions is the interview with a faded old star, conducted by a starchy James Lipton type. The only drama in such shows is waiting to see if either interviewee or host lapses into a coma.

Alec Baldwin’s interview with Gene Wilder inRole Model (Tuesday, 8 p.m., TCM) is altogether different. This isn’t a stiff hour of hero worship, but a lively conversation full of anecdotes and insight. Baldwin is masterful in the interviewer’s role (someone please sign this man up for his own talk show immediately), and Wilder responds with candor and eloquence.

 He admits to being “a very mixed-up fellow” as a young man. Years of therapy straightened him out, and years of training in the Actors Studio and Broadway productions prepared him for a career in movies. Wilder tells memorable stories about makingThe Producers,Blazing Saddles,Willy Wonka andYoung Frankenstein, the latter featuring his own script. It’s startling to hear this gentle man admit that he worked up Dr. Frankenstein’s maniacal frenzy by tapping into “rage at my first wife.”

Remind me never to marry Gene Wilder.

Miss USA

Friday, 9 p.m. (NBC)

At last year’s Miss Teen USA, Miss South Carolina babbled incoherently in her Q&A and became an instant airhead celebrity. She appeared on talk shows, news shows and awards shows as America paid tribute to her formidable stupidity. Meanwhile, the articulate young woman who actually won the pageant was forgotten within seconds.

I’m sure the lesson was not lost on the current Miss USA contestants. Don’t expect any of them to make a lick of sense in the interview segment.

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter

Saturday, 9 p.m. (Lifetime)

This TV movie lives up to its dumb title. Based on Kim Edwards’ bestseller, it’s an over-the-top melodrama about a doctor (Dermot Mulroney) who delivers his own twin babies in a howling snowstorm. He’s horrified to see that one of them has Down syndrome, so he orders the nurse (Emily Watson) to take it to an institution, then tells his wife (Gretchen Mol) that the baby died during the delivery. But the nurse smuggles the baby to another city and raises it as her own.

The movie takes itself very seriously, with an abundance of tears, rain, flashbacks and accusing glances. There’s not a hint of laughter, unless you count your own.

American Experience

Monday, 10 p.m. (PBS) 

Walt Whitman’s words still leap off the page, but Whitman himself doesn’t leap off the screen in PBS’s profile. It’s a solid enough introduction, but when the subject is America’s first great poet, would it be too much to ask for a bit of poetry in the filmmaking? And, no, shots of floating swans and waving grass don’t count.

We get conventional talking heads discussing the stunningly unconventionalLeaves of Grass, and it’s kind of a letdown. You sense that the filmmakers were afraid to take off their shoes and roll around in the mud, ł la Whitman. Not me, though č I’m sitting naked in the forest as I write this blurb.

{mosimage}Whether it’s somewhere in the search for an AIDS cure, fighting the extremes of global poverty or taking a stand against widespread violence and aggression around the world, the David Crowder Band acknowledges that the need for major change is evident and growing.  Knowing that in recent history, popular music has been used to motivate the masses and bring about change, this Contemporary Christian band has decided to lend its voices to a movement of hope and peace.

The band, originally from Waco, Texas, recently released its sixth full-length albumRemedy, which addresses the need the band sees for an ultimate remedy. Acknowledging that ordinary words and songs can only do a little to create lasting change, the David Crowder Band hopes this newest offering will truly inspire listeners to action.

“It seems there is always music attached to social change,” said Crowder in a recent interview withChristianity Today. “Music allows a community and individuals within the community to express themselves; and then turn minds to social action.” He said that the band developed the songs forRemedyaround what they felt this “music of change” would sound like in their own church, since movement was an undercurrent there as well.

“When music finds its way to people who attach readily to lyrics, it pulls on them and they can’t help but participate,” Crowder added. He hopes that this attachment will move people beyond buying products from companies that give to charitable organizations, to actually stepping out and getting involved in the process.

Remedy, is comprised of 10 of the band’s most pop-centric tunes including their fastest charting single to date, “Everything Glorious” which cracked the Top 10 on its Christian AC Indicator chart in just seven weeks.  The music dives deep into the theology of worship and talks about what it means to be a part of the remedy that people around the world so desperately need. “What we were after here was to make songs that move you to act, rather than present more ideas and dialogue,” Crowder concluded.

Some other highlights on the album include a special guest appearance by the Motor City Madman Ted Nugent on “We Won’t Be Quiet,” the energetic and driving tune “Neverending” and the synth-laden dance track “Can You Feel It?”

The David Crowder Band will take center stage at the Crown Arena on Sunday, April 13, at 6 p.m. Ticket prices range from $20 to $38 and may be purchased at the Crown Center Box Office, all Ticketmaster outlets, Ticketmaster.com or by calling 223-2900. The Crown Center’s main box office is located at the Crown Coliseum and is open Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturday 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.  For more information, visit www.atthecrown.com.

Twenty-four hours after viewing Good ‘Ol Girls at the Cape Fear Regional Theatre, I found myself heading out to a wedding with my version of good ‘ol girls č my friends Becca and Suzy. They were beside me in the audience the night before watching the play. The whole way to the wedding, we were quoting lines from the play. That says a lot about this{mosimage}{mosimage} play. Not only did it have us in stitches throughout the performance (and sometimes in tears), it kept us in stitches hours later. So, with that in mind, we’re telling you, “Run, don’t walk to see Good ‘Ol Girls.”

Having seen our share of plays at the CFRT, we’ve seen some that we loved, and some of them not so much. But this play takes the cake. Written by Lee Smith and Jill McCorkle, Good ‘Ol Girls knows women intimately. It speaks to our past, our present and our future. It dives into our hopes, our successes and disappointments. More importantly, it celebrates all of them. Unlike other stories that demand perfection from women, Good ‘Ol Girls treats us gently. It acknowledges our faults, our wiggly pieces, our quirks and weaknesses; and then it celebrates them. Instead of beating us up, it lifts us up. And for a modern woman, that’s quite a change.

The story, told through monologues and music, touches on many aspects of a woman’s life: her teen years; her yearning for love; her yearning for a spiritual connection; her ability to excuse the faults of others, while beating herself up over her own. It celebrates the iron hidden beneath the velvet of a woman’s character. We don’t think Bo Thorp, the CFRT artistic director, could have found six actors any better to tell the story than Pamela Bob, Kendra Goehring, Libby Seymour, Gina Stewart, Cassandra Vallery and Liza Vann.

In most plays, there is usually some member of the cast who shines a little brighter than the others. That wasn’t the case. Each of the women brought a unique and important part of themselves to the production. From Pamela Bob’s wild child to Cassandra Vallery’s birthing scene to Gina Stewart’s nursing home resident, each character portrayed resounded with “realness.” It didn’t seem as if they were acting, but rather that they were living the life of their characters. And, that’s when theatre shines.

The audience was enthralled. Throughout the evening you could hear whispers and giggles as members of the audience identified themselves in the characters. The four “good ‘ol girls” sitting next to us were hugging each other in laughter. The two in front hooting when a line struck a chord. And even the men in the audience found something to laugh about č whether it was the attention they garnered when the actors singled them out or the eye-opening insight they gleaned to the secret parts of their spouses.

If a play can ever truly be called a masterpiece, this one comes close. Were their some issues with sound? Yes. Did it matter? Not one bit. Did an actor occasionally stumble over a line? Once or twice č but that’s the heart of this play. For all that society expects us to be perfect, we’re not. We, like the play, are perfect in our imperfection.

So grab your mother, your sisters and your best friends and RUN to get tickets to this play. But leave your children at home. In addition to having big hair, good ‘ol girls also speak frankly about a lot of things č things your children just aren’t ready to talk about yet.