When he looks deeply into the limpid pools of her eyes, does he say, “Baby, have I ever told you...my ex-girlfriend’s parents have three dogs?”
Sure, that factoid could’ve flown out in casual conversation, but it isn’t just that factoid or others like it. It’s the combo platter of stuff — from friending you on Facebook to digging up your cell number to hijacking your hairdo — that makes this feel like a hostile takeover in the form of a girl-crush. Ok, she “seems sweet.” You know what they say: You catch more flies with honey. But, ask yourself this: How do you feel about being the fly? Go ahead and answer — if you don’t have to run off to have a latte with her to discuss Steve’s snoring.
Of course she wants to be in your life — much like a deer tick wants to be in a dog. She’s probably not evil, but suspects she’s lacking in something he wants; something that might rub off on her if she spends enough time with you. She’s taking advantage of a tendency women have, especially 20-something women, to feel they have to be “nice” to anyone who has yet to, oh, call them a slut and push them off the roof of the student center. But, make no mistake, you’re not being nice. You’re being intimidated into a “friendship” that probably keeps you from moving on. You just broke up with your ex, and now you have to break up with his new girlfriend, too?
Here’s a transcript of what should be the extent of your relationship with this girl: “Hey, how’s it going?” And then keep going. That probably doesn’t seem “charitable,” but I’m guessing you aren’t wearing a Santa suit and a big white beard and ringing a bell outside Target. You owe yourself first and foremost. Figure out what works for you, and if something doesn’t, don’t let it in your life. Yes, it’s that simple.