The Mentalist Badgers a Bad Man

    In The Mentalist (Tuesday, 9 p.m., CBS), Simon Baker stars as Patrick, a psychic who helps the police solve crimes. Patrick isn’t a real psychic, but a showbiz type who’s good at faking it. The key to his act — and his crime-solving ability — is his keen sense of observation. He picks up on cues to figure out when someone is lying. Then he makes a smug accusation and sends the perp into a paroxysm of defensive lying. “I didn’t kill my daughter!” a man screams at Patrick during one such confrontation. “NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
    {mosimage}I love The Mentalist. It’s the best new series of the fall season. NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!

TOP DESIGN
Sunday, 8 p.m. (ABC)
    This new sitcom may as well have been called Horny Hotel. It’s set at an inn where the employees have only one thing on their minds, and it’s not complimentary shampoo. That’s not necessarily a bad premise, but Do Not Disturb does nothing with it. The writers seem to think that using crude sexual slang is enough to get a laugh.
    If the series is a hit, we’ll know they’re right. And then all of us can be the life of any party simply by repeating the words “laid” and “nailed.”

GOD VS. SATAN
Sunday, 8 p.m. (History Channel)
    The History Channel previews Armageddon: the battle between good and evil as described by Judaism, Christianity and Islam. One can only assume that World Wrestling Entertainment is working to secure the television rights to this ultimate smackdown.

VALENTINE
Sunday, 8 p.m. (CW)
    The Valentines are a family of Greek gods living in contemporary Los Angeles. Poseidon is a movie mogul and Dionysus a barkeep, with Aphrodite and Eros helping foolish mortals fall in love.
Speaking of foolish mortals, how low will the CW stoop for a series concept? Later in the season, Valentine won’t be canceled so much as turned into a laurel tree.

DANCING WITH THE STARS
Monday, 8 p.m. (ABC)
    Dancing with the B-List Stars returns with 82-year-old actress Cloris Leachman, boy-band has-been Lance Bass and reality-show exhibitionist Kim Kardashian. Olympic beach volleyball champ Misty May-Treanor participates as well, but she infuriates her partner by slapping his palm after every dip and twirl.

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
Tuesday, 8 p.m. (ABC)
    Warning: A game show has broken out of a Burbank studio to roam the countryside, looking for unsuspecting victims. Opportunity Knocks brings its production right to American neighborhoods and sets up shop on a family’s lawn. The host knocks on the door, informs the residents that they are contestants, and drags them outside to play a family-trivia game with all their neighbors watching.
    Now that TV shows are attacking us in our very homes, no one is safe. Note to self: Buy a deadbolt lock.

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