ADVICE GODDESS: Sex and the Biddy
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—Own Worst Enemy
You’re right to worry about coming off as a desperate older woman. You probably do sound desperate — desperate to get rid of the guy: “I’m just needy; I’ll talk to anyone who’ll listen.” Should he call back, maybe add, “You’ll do, since the suicide hotline guys started hanging up on me when they realized I don’t want to kill myself, just bore them to death.”
Your signals to the guy might be mixed, but they’re coming through loud and clear to me: You want a relationship; you’re just too terrified to have one. You’re probably scared of both success and failure: What if Stud Boy likes you? What if he likes you, then leaves you?! And you’re sure the grocery store guy, upon closer appraisal, will realize he’s made a terrible mistake, so you scurry away like a bug after the lights come on: “Yes, yes, I look like a woman, but I’m really a giant cockroach wearing a lot of Better Separates.”
There’s something in you that doesn’t think all that highly of you — the part that suspects this guy’ll see you as some ridiculous old bag. Wowee, a whole 10-year age difference. (Any excuse’ll do!)
When you do meet a guy who creeps you out, your old insecure-speak should come in handy. Nothing usually makes a man on the make want to bolt like the words “I’m needy,” except maybe for the announcement “I’m off my meds, I’ve got a loaded gun in my purse, and what a cool coincidence that the back of your shirt looks so much like a bullseye.”