Howdy Buckaroos. Time to tip your literary toes back into the wonderful pond of Grimm Brothers fairy tales. Today’s blot on world literature retells an obscure story about three amigos. Many fairy tales don’t end happily. Some have no moral. Some just relate weird goings-on in the deep forest. Saddle up, we are going into the forest.

Once Upon a Time, in a dark forest, there lived a Mouse, a Bird, and a Sausage. It is unclear how they got together. For our purposes, it doesn’t matter. These three were living happily ever after until an oops. They knew their role in keeping the homestead happy. The bird went into the forest daily to bring back firewood. The mouse got water from the well, made a fire from the wood, and set the table. The sausage did all the cooking. Everything was swell until an outsider offered some constructive criticism.

Bird was out gathering wood when he met Bird 2. They got to cheeping to each other about their lives. Bird 2 told Bird that he was being duped by Mouse and Sausage into doing all the hard work of bringing wood. This comes under the Heading: “Let’s You and Him Fight.” After some pondering, Bird decided he was being gypped by Mouse and Sausage. The more he thought, the madder he got. The Mouse would carry the wood in, light the fire, set the table, and then take a nap. The Sausage would stir the stew pot full of vegetables, jumping and swimming in the pot to give it flavoring. If the stew needed more flavor, he would just swim slower. Not a hard job compared to hauling firewood.

The Bird called a Cottage Meeting. He refused to haul more firewood, demanding a change in the system. The Mouse defended the current system as working well. The Sausage protested the system best utilized their respective talents. The Bird retorted: “Only because we haven’t tried another way.” Like the US Congress, nothing was going to be done as the Bird was stubborn and demanded his way. They finally drew straws to reshuffle duties. The Sausage got collecting firewood. The Mouse drew cooking. The Bird got fetching water and making fire.

So how did switching from the old system to the Brave New World work out, you might ask? Not so good. The Sausage was the first to undertake his new task. He went out into the woods but did not come back when expected. The Bird went out looking for the Sausage. He came across a dog in the woods. The dog was licking his chops. Bird: “Have you seen a Sausage?” Dog: “Yes. I just ate him. He was delicious.” Bird: “You can’t do that, it’s against the law!” Dog: “He was carrying forged papers and that is a capital crime.” Bird: “That’s ridiculous. Where are the papers?” Dog: “I ate them too.” Despite his name, Bird was no bird brain. A fight between a bird and a dog would not go well for the bird. Bird flew back home with the bad news.

Mouse was quite sad but realized they had to carry on without Sausage. While Mouse was stirring the stew for supper, he recalled how Sausage would swim in the stew to season it. She jumped into the stewpot but drowned because she could not swim in boiling vegetables. Bird freaked out when he saw the most sincerely dead Mouse floating amid carrots. Bird was building the fire when he observed the stewed Mouse. In shock, he knocked the logs out of the fireplace causing the cottage to catch fire. Bird flew to the well to get water to put out the fire. Unfortunately, in Bird’s agitated state, he managed to get his foot caught in the rope to the well’s bucket. When the bucket went into the well, it dragged Bird into the water. Bird drowned.

Grimms’ story ends: “The Bird drowned, and that was the end of them all.”

So, what have we learned today? Once again, very little. What can we scrape out of this dark tale? The Grimm Boys were aptly named. Some of their stories are pretty grim. Outsiders criticizing a working system can mess things up. Just because you can do something, does not mean you should do it. If you don’t like the way an election turns out, it does not necessarily mean you should do away with elections. Dogs make bad lawyers. Never swim in a stew pot. Finally, if you can find a sausage who can cook, don’t send him out for firewood.