At a recent Saturday morning gathering of several men, I posed a question:
“When did you become the man you are today?”
The idea was simple, but the implications led us into a much deeper conversation about how the way we think affects nearly everything else. After a few attempts by the typical “I’ll go first” guys, the others gathered around the table began to catch on. There was no right or wrong answer. Speaking first did not require any special courage, and waiting for someone else to respond did not make an answer less meaningful.
This was not a test. It was an invitation to honesty. Honesty with one another. Honesty with ourselves. And, perhaps most importantly, honesty before God.
None of us became who we are in a single moment. There may have been defining experiences along the way—a decision, a loss, a success, a failure, a relationship, or a season of hardship—but even those moments became part of something larger.
We were shaped gradually.
The question was intended to help us consider the decisions, habits, assumptions, and compromises that formed the person we have become. Some of those influences were obvious. Others worked quietly
beneath the surface.
That is the troubling thing about becoming: It often happens while we believe we are simply doing. We go to work. We come home. We respond to problems. We entertain ourselves. We manage our responsibilities. We repeat familiar routines. We tell ourselves that these are merely isolated choices—small decisions that have little bearing on anything beyond the moment.
But repeated choices rarely remain isolated. A decision becomes easier the second time. A reaction becomes a pattern. A pattern becomes a habit. A habit begins shaping the way we think. And eventually, the way we think becomes part of our character.
Every tomorrow reveals that we were always becoming. The person we are today is, in many ways, the accumulation of yesterday’s responses. That does not mean we are imprisoned by our past or unable to change. It does mean that change requires more than good intentions.
We must learn to pay attention.
What are our current habits teaching us? What do our private choices reveal about what we truly value? Are our routines shaping us into people who are patient, courageous, truthful, generous, and dependable? Or are we slowly becoming more distracted, defensive, resentful, or self-centered?
These questions are not meant to produce shame. They are meant to awaken us.
We cannot change every circumstance that has shaped us, but we can become more intentional about what shapes us next. We can examine our thinking, challenge unhealthy patterns, repair neglected relationships, and choose better responses.
The question is not merely, “What am I doing today?”
The better question may be, “Who am I becoming through what I am doing today?”
Tomorrow will eventually give us the answer.