Lee Greenwood is even prouder to be an American today thanks to New York Congressman Anthony Weiner. Hat’s off to Tony Weiner for introducing a bill which will increase the number of free-range international super models roaming our fruited plains. Weiner bravely confronted America’s most pressing international crisis — the looming shortage of foreign-born super models moon walking across the fashion runways of New York. Forget the middling issues facing America today — $5 a gallon gas, a collapsing real estate market, an endless war in the Middle East and the inability of the L.A. Dodgers to get above .500. “Piffle” says Congressman Weiner. Why worry about war, peace, inflation, recession and other such trifles when America needs more super models?
    I could not agree with Tony more on America’s tragic shortage of super models. Wars and rumors of war abound. Polls report that the vast majority of Americans think the USA is on the wrong path. The country is hip deep in the big muddy of malaise. What will once again make America a shining city on a hill? The shining hills of more super models that’s what! America needs more 6-feet-tall, 90-pound women with the facial expression of a red ant to cheer us up. To heck with balancing the budget, bring on the super models.{mosimage}
    Through some horrible bureaucratic snafu, foreign-born super models and foreign-born computer geeks are tossed into the same immigration category called H-1B visas. These visas are issued to “highly skilled workers.” Only about 85,000 H-1B visas are available each year. Computer geeks are hogging most of these visas. A mere 350 H-1B visas are granted annually to the anorexic angels of fashion. To rectify this horrible injustice, Congressman Weiner has introduced HR 4080 entitled “To amend the Immigration and Nationality Act to establish a separate nonimmigrant classification for fashion models.” This is a law all Americans should get behind and offer their unflinching support to foreign super models. Tony’s Law will create a new Fashion Model visa category for 1,000 — count ‘em 1,000 — super models to come to the U.S. of A. to strut their stuff. If that doesn’t raise the spirits of American men what will?
    Right now you are probably asking yourself, who qualifies as a super model under Tony’s Law and how can I get me one of those super models? To quote from the bill, a super model is “a fashion model who is of distinguished merit and ability and who is seeking to enter the United States temporarily to perform fashion modeling services that involve events or productions which have a distinguished reputation or that are performed for an organization or establishment that has a distinguished reputation for, or a record of, utilizing prominent modeling talent.” Tony’s Law is a paragon of legislative classiness. The definition of super model uses the term “distinguished” three times in the same sentence while avoiding using the terms hooters, mindless and vapid. The definition is a hat trick of politics and pulchritude. Donald Trump could not have written it better.
    Who is a distinguished model? Distinguished is in the eye of the beholder. What are the objective standards for being a distinguished fashion model you might ask? As Justice Potter Stewart explained regarding pornography: “I can’t define pornography, but I know it when I see it.” Identifying a distinguished fashion model can be done the same way. You’ll know a distinguished super model when you see one.
    If you want to obtain your own super model under Tony’s Law, you too have to be distinguished. That means finally installing the underpinning under the old double wide and chaining the Rottweiler to the pump in the backyard instead of the white, painted tire garden out front. Get your pickup truck detailed so you don’t embarrass yourself when the next load of super models gets dropped off at the Greyhound station. If beauty is only skin deep, distinguished is just a coat of Turtle Wax away.
    Keep America beautiful. Write your Congress people and tell them to support Tony’s Law. You’ll be glad you did.

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