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I can email with the best of you, and these days I text more often than not, but I remain a technology Luddite with most other emerging technologies. Pinterest and Instagram are mysterious, and many of you are no doubt happily using the Internet in ways I have yet to learn and probably never will.

Recently, though, I decided to try the feature on my smart phone that allows me to dictate text messages by clicking on the microphone icon. My sister goaded me into it, but that is another story. My first audio text went to one of the Precious Jewels, whose rather unusual family name begins with “S.” I dictated my message and closed with “Mommy loves S…” and hit “send.” 

My message swooshed out with no punctuation whatsoever — I had not yet learned I need to say comma, period or question mark, and it closed with “Mommy loves saving.”

Obviously, Precious Jewel responded with “Loves saving what?”

The Internet — the parts I know about — are full of hysterical parent-child texts, some that reflect the generational technology gap and some of which reveal the dangers of auto correct in all its vulgarity. Some of them cannot be printed in a community newspaper, but most of them make me laugh out loud all by myself. 

My list is evolving, but here are some of my faves:


From a Mom: “What does IDK,LY&TTYL mean?”

Child: “I don’t know. Love you. Talk to you later.”

Mom: “OK, I will ask your sister.”


From a Child: “Mom wants you to get her prego.”

Dad: “Well, I can’t. I had that problem solved years ago.”

Child: “OH MY GOD DAD! Ew! TMI! I will be forever grossed out. Mom wants you to get her Prego. The cooking thing.”

Dad: “OK, sweetie.”


From a Child to Mom: “So how’s your new phone? You finally got a smart phone…Mom?”

Mom: “Howdoyoudoaspace?”


Mom to Daughter: “Good morning beautiful :) Your imaginary boyfriend.”

Daughter: “Thanks, Mom….”

Mom: “Vaby, u r 14 now, i think its time we talk @ sex…”

Child: “K, mom, tell me what you want to know…”


Child: “Could you send me Uncle Bill’s address?”

Mom: “I cabby foud Muir gladness giver. Canny text nose.”

Child: “Huh?”

Mom: “I found my glasses.”


Child: “Got an A in Chem!!!”

Mom: “WTF, well done!”

Child: “Mom, what do you think WTF means?”

Mom: “Well that’s Fantastic!”


Mom: “Your great aunt just passed away. LOL”

Child: “Why is that funny?”

Mom: “It’s not funny David! What do you mean?”

Child: “Mom lol means laughing out loud!”

Mom: “Oh my goodness!! I sent that to everyone I thought it meant lots of love I have to call everyone back”


Child: “Hey mom. I’ve decided I’m coming out.”

Mom: “Oh Michael, Dad and I always knew you were gay, but I am a tad shocked you texted me. I love you no matter what!”

Child: “MOM I AM NOT GAY!! I sent my text before I could finish. I’m coming out to see you and Dad in May!”

Mom: “LOL. We love you no matter what kind of coming out you do!”


Child: “Mom. Where are you????”

Mom: “Leaving walmart. Halfway home..” Why sweetie?”

Child: “You brought me to walmart with you…”

Mom: “OH DARN! Be there in a bit…”


Dad: “Hey honey, how’s your day?”

Child: “Good. I’m having the best weed of my life.”

Dad: “Oh me too…where did you gets yours from?”

Child: “NO NO NO I meant week!! Wait what Dad?”

Dad: “Let’s not tell mom about this conversation.”


Child: “Hey Mom, where are you?”

Mom: “Da Store. Y?”

Child: “I reallyyyy want that new cereal Krave.”

Mom: “I’ll think abt it. I get/do what I want.”

Child: “Mom, you’re not a gangster.”

Mom: “Imma straight up G. hommie.”


I am perfectly willing to concede that some of these may be Internet creations written to amuse, and they do. Others ring true to this mother, who has made more email and texting boo boos than she cares to admit and which the Precious Jewels delight in pointing out to their errant Mom.

That being said, I close with this one from a well-meaning but befuddled Dad.


Dad: “You left your phone at home.”

I could have sent that one myself.





 

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