The governor’s mansion, Juneau, Alaska, 9 a.m.
Doorbell rings.
{mosimage}Sarah: Why Karl Rove, what a surprise. Do come in. We are just finishing up breakfast.
Karl: Thank you Gov. Palin. I just need a few minutes to go over some issues.
Sarah: Why heck yes Karl, let’s go into the study.
Karl: Governor, perhaps we should start with the college thing. Now, did you in fact take six years to obtain an undergraduate degree in journalism?
Sarah: Oh, I think college is such a rewarding experience. I enjoyed every minute.
Karl: Yes I’m sure you did, but six different schools in six years. Why so many and why so long?
Sarah: How many years did you go to college Karl?
Karl: That’s not the point. Well let’s move on. Do you think that creationism should be taught in public schools?
Sarah: Of course I do. Some children don’t go to Sunday School. How else are they going to learn about how God created heaven and Earth? Don’t tell me you buy into all of that evolution nonsense?
Karl: Actually I do, but you see teaching creationism is the job of the church, not public schools. The Constitution requires separation of church and state.
Sarah: Maybe in the lower 48, but not in the great state of Alaska.
Karl: Governor, do you feel that sex education should be taught in public schools?
Sarah: My goodness no. Children can learn what they need to know when they are old enough to learn, and their parents can teach them.
Karl: How old would that be, in     your opinion?
Sarah: I think for girls 18 and boys 20.
Karl: You realize that young people are sexually mature at much younger ages?
Sarah: Well maybe, but if they get proper instruction at home to wait for marriage it should not be a problem.
Karl: Let’s change the subject. Your husband was a member of the Alaska Independence Party for seven years. Is that correct?
Sarah: So?
Karl: You see, actively engaging in efforts to secede from the union of states is sedition. That’s a serious crime.
Sarah: Not in the great state of Alaska.
Karl: (sigh) All right, we’ll talk about something else. It is claimed that your priorities are in this order: God, family and country. Is this true?
Sarah: Oh, Karl, that is so absolutely true. I always will have those priorities — especially if I should ever become president.
Karl: But you see, in order to be president, you would have to take an oath to put country first.
Sarah: Well, I just might be the first to change that.
Karl: That would not be possible Gov. Palin.
Sarah: I guess you haven’t heard of a barracuda     with lipstick?
Karl: I think you are a little off script. Your speech writer had you refer to yourself as Barracuda Sarah.
Sarah: Well what about the lipstick thing? I know I said something about lipstick.
Karl: That was a reference to a pit bull.
Sarah: Why would anyone put lipstick on a dog?
 Karl: What are the greatest threats, as you see to the United States of America?
Sarah: Karl, I am so glad you asked me that. That is such an easy question for a Christian. The two greatest threats are, first abortion and second is gay marriage.
Karl: You don’t see radical Islam or the new aggression by Russia or the possibility of Iran having nuclear weapons or our dependence on foreign oil as more serious threats?
Sarah: First of all Karl, we have nuclear weapons, don’t forget, and we can use them if Russia or Iran or South Korea get smart-alecky. Also, we have ANWR. We can tell those camel herders where to get off anytime we want. Besides they aren’t Christians so why should we do business with them anyway?
Karl: Governor, I think you should not stray off script ever. If you do, Secret Service agents assigned to you will wrestle you to the ground.
Sarah: Do they know I am a barracuda with lipstick?
   Dave Wilson can be reached at

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