Time flies when you are having fun. It slows down while you are undergoing a root canal, but that is another story. Today’s column is the annual January salute to the next year turning 100. Congrats to 1924 celebrating its 100th birthday. Like Chicago, 1924 was a toddling year. It was when the Roaring Twenties produced significantly high decibels. Everything was going great until 1929.

"Swellness" reigned supreme in 1924. Americans’ average income was $2196. Unemployment was 5%. You could buy a new car for $265. An average house cost $7720. A gallon of milk was 9 cents. A gallon of gas was 9 cents. As Archie and Edith Bunker once sang, “Those were the days.” Mary Hopkin later responded with “Those were the days, my friend/ We thought they’d never end.” Well, 1924 did end. But it was fun while it lasted,

1924 started, like all good years in the Gregorian calendar, with the month of January. Vlad Lenin stroked out and left the building on 21 January. This handed power to the tender mercies of Joseph Stalin. As a parting gift to Lenin, the Commies mummified his body and changed the name of St. Petersburg to Leningrad. On 25 January the first Winter Olympics were held in Chamonix, France. This cleared the way for the most curious winter sport of all – Curling. Curling involves shoving a large metal foot stool, brooms, and janitors sweeping ice to guide said stool to a goal. More significantly, on 29 January, the first ice cream cone rolling machine was patented.

12 February brought the premiere performance of George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue.” The Computing Tabulating-Recording Company changed its name to IBM on 24 February creating many I’ve Been Moved jokes. On 24 February, Gandhi played his Get Out of Jail free card and was released from a British Prison.

The “Happy Birthday to You” song was published on 4 March with the side effect of boosting the personal wealth of millions of bakers and ice cream makers. On 1 April, a German court sentenced Adolph Hitler to prison for 5 years after his failed Beer Hall Putsch. This would not be the last we heard of the Bavarian Butt-Head. Rand McNally published its first road atlas on 15 April. This led to multiple fits of frustration and road rage as drivers found it highly difficult to refold the maps. On 10 May, J. Edgar Hoover was appointed Director of the FBI. He remained as Director until May 1972 terrorizing crooks, bootleggers, U.S. Presidents, hippies, and ordinary citizens who were leery of a grown man wearing a dress carrying a pistol.

On 2 June, President Coolidge signed the Indian Citizenship Act which declared all Native Americans to be American citizens. This is more than a slice of irony, as Native Americans were here first. Over in Detroit, Ford Motor Company turned out its 10 millionth car on 15 June. On 9 July the Once and Future Tarzan, Johnny Weissmuller. set a swimming world record in the 100-meter freestyle in the Summer Olympics. On 10 July Norway surrendered its claim on Greenland to Denmark. The Former Presidential Guy tried to buy Greenland from Denmark in 2018 but that deal fell through. Little Orphan Annie and her dog Sandy made their first appearance in the funny papers on 5 August proving that pupilless eyes were not necessary to be successful. Mussolini survived an assassination attempt on 6 September paving the way for the famous limerick “Whistle while you work/ Hitler was a jerk/ Mussolini bit his weeny/ Now it will not work.”

Sheik Ibn Saud conquered Mecca on 13 October resulting in the establishment of Saudi Arabia. Pro tip: Saudi Arabia provided 15 of the 19 hijackers on 9-11. On 2 November the Sunday Express printed the first British crossword puzzle whose descendants appear in every Up & Coming Weekly. Calvin Coolidge was elected to a full term as President on 4 November. Cal is famous for his Zen saying: “The business of America is business.” Rolls Royce sold the last Silver Ghost automobile on 19 December. Germany granted early release to Hitler from prison on 20 December.

What did we learn today? Unfortunately, just a series of useless historical factoids, most of which, Gentle Reader, you will forget by supper time. But any year that produced Little Orphan Annie is a good year. Would-be child stars will be belting out the song “Tomorrow” for decades to come. As Scarlett O’Hara said: “Tomorrow is another day.”