Today we venture into a darker corner of the forest of Grimms’ Fairy Tales. Consider the story of Faithful Johannes, a servant who went beyond the call of duty. Once upon a time, an old King was on his deathbed (likely purchased during the Labor Day Mattress sales). He called his faithful servant Johannes to his side for final instructions. He told Johannes to guide his son through the royal castle, showing him everything except for the room which had a portrait of the Princess of the Golden Roof. If the Prince saw the portrait, he would fall in love with her and bad things would follow. The King then expired. On the castle tour, the new King demanded to enter the forbidden room. When the new King saw the portrait of the Princess of the Golden Roof, he fell in love and passed out.
On regaining consciousness, the King demanded to be taken to see the Princess to woo her. Johannes told him that the Princess loved everything gold and that might tempt her to marry him. The King had his goldsmiths fashion a ton of gold into beautiful objects. They loaded the golden trinkets in a boat. They disguised themselves as merchants and sailed to the Princess’ country. Johannes took a sampling of the trinkets to the Princess. She wanted to buy the whole lot. She went to the boat and became dazzled by all the golden objects. The King ordered the ship to sail away without telling the Princess. When she finally realized they were far at sea, she demanded to be taken home. The King refused, telling her that he loved her. She was so smitten by the gold, she agreed to the marriage.
Johannes had the ability to understand bird language. While on the deck, Johannes heard two seagulls talking about troubles to come. Gull #1 said when the King gets her home, a horse will run up to meet them. The King will get on the horse, which will carry him away forever. Gull#2 said the only way to prevent that is if someone takes a pistol and kills the horse, but he cannot ever tell why he did it or his legs will turn to stone up to the knees. Gull#1 said if the King does get to the castle, he will find a wedding robe that looks like it was made of gold and silver. When he wears the robe, it turns to Sulphur and will burn his body to a cinder. Gull#2 said to prevent this, someone will have to throw the robe on a fire to burn it up but never tell why. If he tells, his body will turn to stone up to his heart. Gull#1 said at the wedding, the Princess will turn pale and die when the dancing begins. Gull#2 said to prevent this, someone will have to bite the Princess, draw 3 drops of blood, and spit it out. Then the Princess will return to life. If the person tells why, his whole body will turn to stone.
All of these things happened. Johannes performed his life-saving tasks. The King got really torqued off because Johannes would not give his reasons. He ordered Johannes to be executed for his insolence. At the gallows, Johannes used his last words to explain why and how he saved the King. Then he turned to stone. The King spiraled into grief at what he had done. He put the statue of Johannes in his bedroom and wept whenever he saw it.
Time passed and twins were born to the King and his Queen. One day when the Queen was away, the King looked at the statue and said “If only I could bring Johannes back to life.” The statue suddenly spoke and told the King, “If you cut off your children’s heads and sprinkle the blood on me, I will come back to life.” The King freaked out but did so. The statue came back to life, though the children were dead. The King was devastated by grief. Johannes then put the children’s heads back on their bodies. The children came back to life as if nothing had ever happened.
When the Queen came back from church, the King told her that he brought back Johannes to life by killing their twins. The Queen was horrified but agreed that they owed it to Johannes to do so since Johannes had been so loyal. At that, the King brought out Johannes and the twins, much to the relief of the Queen. And they all lived happily ever after.
Author’s note: No horses, servants, wedding robes, Princesses, or twins were harmed during the composition of this column. You are now free to roam about the forest.

(Illustration by Pitt Dickey)