06MemorialDayMemorial Day in this household is something to pause on for me. It’s looking at the flag that we see every day on our entertainment center and really, really looking at it.

It’s thinking on my parents who were both killed in a military training exercise in 1981, the reason that this flag is in our house.

It’s looking at the dog tags on it and thinking about my grandfather and his service, but also the stories he told of the ones who didn’t come home. Or the other pilot that he wondered about for years and tried to find for almost the rest of his life, only to find out this man died weeks after the last time Grandpa saw him in another fight in World War II.

It’s thoughts of the crew at the Special Forces Association Chapter 1-18 and the stories they’ve told us around the bar there of their friends who didn’t make it home, in a mix of tears and some smiles to go with them. It’s watching my husband, Scott, try to figure out how to memorialize his friends who gave the ultimate sacrifice and then seeing him realize that he will never be able to truly do this as perfectly as he wants to.

It’s a lot of piled emotions in one day.

And it’s also me smiling as I put on my first dad’s Hawaii T-shirt and wear it for the day. Smirking that he wore his shirts so tight in the ’70s that in my time, I’d like to think this shirt was made more for my size. It’s Scott telling great stories of his friends that he’s eventually laughing about in the telling.

It’s having our flag out on the front porch and a “Freedom” banner in the garden at the farm.

We honor them all, but more importantly to me than anything else is the actual remembering. We keep talking about them all. And instead of solemnity all the time, we’re chuckling. And remembering the trueness of them in the imperfection.

This is how we do Memorial Day, and I’m at peace completely. To me, this is fitting.

 

PHOTO: The late Air Force Capt. Donald Fonke.

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